Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:06] Speaker B: Welcome to disability empowerment now dating with disabilities part five.
I'm your co host, Keith Murphy Dickinsini. I'm here with my other co hosts, the delightful lib marone and Andrew Garza.
[00:00:33] Speaker C: So delighted to be called delightful. That really, that. That made my whole day. That was great.
[00:00:39] Speaker B: So, okay, so you're welcome anytime.
So let's ted the audience up from what we were talking about before the jump. Before I did that, the rightful intro, I was talking about the only threesome I've ever been in.
[00:01:09] Speaker A: Oh, wow.
[00:01:10] Speaker C: Yeah. Let's get back to this. I want to hear the end of the story.
[00:01:13] Speaker B: Let's do it. Yeah. So I'm in Santa Fe for my undergrad at college of Santa Fe.
Unfortunately, it no longer exists. It was a liberal arts college my first week there. I was in my mid-20s and I was sitting under a tree with another songwriter and another woman.
And we co wrote a sexy, highly overly sexual song called in your bedroom. The title I took from third eye blinds a thousand julys of their second album.
[00:02:15] Speaker A: I love. I love seven Jenkins. When I was. When I was a teen, third eye blind, I wanted to get in his third eye. I wanted to open his third eye. That's what I wanted to do.
[00:02:25] Speaker C: I mean, you wanted to be in his bedroom. Yeah.
[00:02:29] Speaker B: So yeah.
He had your lips, by the way. Widgets.
[00:02:37] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, he does.
[00:02:38] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:02:44] Speaker A: I've never heard him talk about. I've never heard him talk about. I heard him sing, but I didn't know that.
[00:02:49] Speaker C: Gonna go watch 50,000 interviews with him now because apparently he's very nice. Apparently he's very like long island adjacent. Third eye blind does a lot of Jones beat shows. He's just always here. Anyway, I thought they were.
[00:03:02] Speaker A: I thought they were San Francisco people.
[00:03:04] Speaker B: So the third time my band and I performed that delightful song, I was in a band called formless revelations. I was about 23 to 25.
I literally performed it in my box shirts because I had no shame because
[00:03:35] Speaker C: you're just like, yeah, we're already doing it. Let's like, let's go.
[00:03:38] Speaker B: Shame at all.
And then I felt guilty about a few weeks go by and I'm such a bleeding heart romantic, which gets me into more trouble than it should really.
[00:03:59] Speaker C: I hate it for what? I hate it for you, Keith. I really do. Every time we have a conversation about this off mic, I'm just like, can you just develop like a little bit of a cactus outside? Just a little bit? Like, you're hurting my feelings. Like, what are we doing Just protect yourself, sir, by being a queer man.
[00:04:16] Speaker A: You really have to have a big feeling for you.
[00:04:22] Speaker B: I went on a plane ride back from Washington, dc. We lived there at the time.
And I was scribbling song lyrics in a notebook.
And I tried to write the polar opposite set of in your bedroom, which I called Spicy Fire.
And it became a overly sexy romantic song which was all about going down on a woman.
Yeah.
[00:05:09] Speaker A: That is one place I've never been.
[00:05:12] Speaker C: Yeah. Andrew. Andrew's like disappearing inside himself a little bit right now.
Think about this.
I'm like leaning forward, like I'm listening.
[00:05:21] Speaker B: Name.
[00:05:21] Speaker C: And Andrew's just like, what is happening?
[00:05:24] Speaker A: That is. That is not a place that I can say that I've been or probably will ever go.
[00:05:29] Speaker B: And when I performed that live, I would.
[00:05:35] Speaker A: What were you performing live? The C.
[00:05:39] Speaker B: But what would. Deeply ironic. And drop down a lariat would. A grandmother would. With tapping her feet and snapping.
[00:05:53] Speaker C: God bless. It's probably the first time she's thought about that in 50 years.
[00:05:57] Speaker B: Like, oh, my.
[00:05:59] Speaker A: You know, grandma could be kinky.
[00:06:01] Speaker C: God bless grandma.
You awaken. You awaken something in that poor woman. But she didn't expect that to happen.
[00:06:11] Speaker B: The Lad College antidote. And then we'll begin the actual episode. I can't wait to see how you guys follow all of these very.
[00:06:27] Speaker A: We're not going to. We have brain damage, Keith.
[00:06:30] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah. The steep. The combined cp. Brain damage is really.
[00:06:34] Speaker A: Between the three of us, we have one working brain. Maybe one more.
[00:06:38] Speaker C: Let's do a count. Okay. We've got, I would say like two and a half legs.
[00:06:45] Speaker A: Yeah, maybe. Yeah.
[00:06:50] Speaker B: Before I lose my train of thought, my base sits in my band.
At the time, I believe his name was Morgan. I can't remember Morgan or Patrick.
Anyway, one of them dared me to perform a cover of Kickstart my heart by Martley Crue.
In a thong.
In a male thong.
[00:07:32] Speaker A: You act like we're meant to be surprised.
You act like we're meant to be surprised by this. But you know, many guys I see in thongs on a regular basis.
[00:07:40] Speaker B: It was pitch black and there was a closet behind me in the performance space.
So my band took a very long solo. I excused myself, went into the closet, literally strip off my pants, get into the mel thong and then burst out of the door with my cohone hanging out and finish the rats of the Soul.
[00:08:27] Speaker C: Pretty immaculate, I'm not gonna lie.
[00:08:28] Speaker B: And that is the craziest thing I did in college.
[00:08:37] Speaker C: I feel like I gotta like, go out and do Something now to like out do, outdo that.
[00:08:42] Speaker A: I've done crazy in college.
[00:08:45] Speaker C: I'm on Botox now. I'm unstoppable. Why don't I just go like streak across my front yard in the snow?
[00:08:51] Speaker A: I invited multiple strangers back to my dorm at 2am and I like definitely got double pneumonia walking in the snow to a boy's house.
[00:09:00] Speaker B: So that would be very creative and overly personal.
Intro to the final episode of our series on dating with disabilities.
[00:09:16] Speaker C: Expose yourself at every opportunity, listener. Okay.
[00:09:19] Speaker B: Apparently in which we talk over each other, make each other laugh and go.
Come to.
Don't come to any conclusions about dating whatsoever.
[00:09:39] Speaker C: Man. If you, if you come here for advice.
First of all, you're on the. Thank you for staying with us. If you have listened to the whole series. We appreciate you. You'll be getting your, your trophy in the mail now.
[00:09:52] Speaker A: Your trophy will look like nothing because there's one.
[00:09:54] Speaker C: So thank you so much. I will be, I will be sending you your little like sheriff that she got all the way through the six hours of whatever the it is that we're doing over here.
[00:10:05] Speaker B: Five, but who's counting?
[00:10:09] Speaker C: Five. Five. Okay. Yeah, no, I was thinking six because I'm thinking about watching both Wicked films back to back and that will be fully successful.
[00:10:16] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:10:17] Speaker C: So, so yeah, okay.
[00:10:19] Speaker A: But when does the second wicket come out again? I've.
[00:10:22] Speaker C: I mean I've seen that hopefully soon. Like, like it's in theaters right now
[00:10:26] Speaker A: and I. Yeah, yeah, I saw it in theaters and I have so many,
[00:10:29] Speaker C: I have so many questions, I have so many thoughts.
[00:10:31] Speaker A: We don't have so many feelings and I need to.
[00:10:33] Speaker C: Just different podcasts.
[00:10:35] Speaker A: I mean it is. But let's just for a second though,
[00:10:37] Speaker C: I got, I got some really controversial opinions.
[00:10:40] Speaker A: One last thing. One. Okay, what. The only thing I'll say about it is if my boyfriend, the guy that I thought loved me forever, told me that he's gonna leave me now for the more pretty, more able bodied girl, I would restrict his travel too.
[00:10:56] Speaker C: I would also become a dictator. Thank you very much.
[00:10:59] Speaker A: Listen, I didn't think that she did any wrong and I don't think she deserved to be trampled by House.
[00:11:04] Speaker C: Okay. I just was right. Okay. And, and the fact that it was for like the most mid guy you've ever seen.
[00:11:11] Speaker A: The most mid guy. And also, yeah, like Grande. She's like, she's a queen. I love her. But did you see the interviews with her and Cynthia Erivo? Are they. Okay, what's going on?
[00:11:22] Speaker C: Listen, well, I'm not going to comment on anybody's bodies because I don't know how able bodies are supposed to look. So when people are like, oh, they're too thin, I'm like, I have no idea what that means.
[00:11:32] Speaker A: Yeah, what does that mean? Because I don't know.
[00:11:34] Speaker C: I have muscle tension. I can't keep weight on. I don't know what I just meant.
[00:11:37] Speaker A: I just meant why he's crying in interviews and being like, oh my God, you're the person that I love forever.
[00:11:45] Speaker C: I saw this meme that was like, Erivo and Grande look like two trauma bonded cats that get adopted from the shelter.
[00:11:54] Speaker A: Have you watched the Tik Toks with the gay guys pretending to be them?
[00:11:58] Speaker C: No, I. You have to send me some.
[00:11:59] Speaker A: Oh my God, look it up. It's so funny.
[00:12:01] Speaker C: Anyway, they're. They have more chemistry than. I'll bring it back to what we actually are supposed to be talking about here. The two of them have more chemistry than Elphaba and Fiero that love seeing.
[00:12:13] Speaker A: How are you gonna her if you're the scarecrow?
How?
[00:12:17] Speaker C: We're not thinking about it. We're not.
[00:12:18] Speaker A: Are you gonna her with your cobcorn dick? Because how.
How is that gonna happen? I don't.
[00:12:24] Speaker C: I have the same questions that I had as a small child about Jack and Sally from Night Before Christmas. I'm like, literally, it's a boner. What's happening? What's gonna do? I need to know how the logistics work.
[00:12:36] Speaker B: Okay. Bring it home, man.
[00:12:39] Speaker C: Okay, so I have a lot of controversial opinions. Nessa was right.
[00:12:44] Speaker A: Bach is right. Justice for Nessa.
[00:12:46] Speaker C: Justice for Nessa.
That love scene was mid. Why is Elphaba dressed like the tree that she is living in? I don't understand.
[00:12:56] Speaker A: Well, I didn't remember that, but now I do. Oh, no.
[00:12:59] Speaker B: Live.
Anyway.
[00:13:01] Speaker C: Okay.
If you're coming here for advice, you're not gonna get any. I'm so sorry. But I did tell Keith that I was literally the worst person to approach about this topic before we started. So we can't. We have no one to blame but our fearless leader on this. Because I did. I was like, I don't have any advice being leader. Yeah, start taking birth control so your libido dies so you don't think about any of this and you don't worry about it anymore. And you develop an overly close relationship with your dog. That's what my advice would be.
[00:13:32] Speaker A: That sounded really weird. You were like. And then you develop your dog.
[00:13:37] Speaker C: I respect whatever you decide to do in the edit.
[00:13:40] Speaker B: I'm Village leader and say that again.
Every ex will tell you that's not true. I don't know what you're smoking.
[00:13:54] Speaker C: Just trying to keep us from careening into an iceberg.
[00:13:57] Speaker B: Yeah, too deep.
I would like to give a shout out to our own Andrew Gerdz and his delightfully diligently podcast, Disability After Dark.
[00:14:20] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:14:21] Speaker B: It's the inspiration that I took for this series. And so without Andrew and his fearless advocacy, he's the real fearless leader and all my exes would agree with that.
[00:14:49] Speaker A: No, no, I disagree. I disagree.
[00:14:52] Speaker B: Did series would not have existed.
So thank you, Andrew.
[00:15:01] Speaker A: Thank you. Well, thank you for saying so. I mean, I don't see myself as any kind of leader. I'm pretty. I'm pretty at dating. I'm. I had. My podcast used to be about sex and dating and disability and now it's just whatever the I want to talk about because 400 episodes in. How the are you supposed to keep that momentum going
[00:15:25] Speaker C: listening to you say that? Okay. Wow.
[00:15:27] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:15:27] Speaker A: I am now. I am now.
Tomorrow will be 407 episodes in and so like with bonus episodes, we're sitting in about 543, I think for 420.
[00:15:40] Speaker C: You have to do a cannabis themed episode. You have to get. You have to talk about disability and weed.
[00:15:46] Speaker A: For four, you'll just see me talking about how much I hate getting high, basically. I don't.
It's not a fun. Weed is not a fun. I wish I could be like, oh, yeah, it's so great. No, no, I hate it.
[00:15:57] Speaker C: It just makes me tired. What, what do you get like when you're on weed?
[00:16:01] Speaker A: I get really, like time gets really crunchy.
Oh, time feels weird. Why does it feel stretchy but also not stretchy at all? Oh, what did I do? What am I doing? I don know. All right. I don't like because we all have brain damage. You all know, like, I don't like having my brain feel out of control and like every. Every other part of my body doesn't do what I want. I at least want my brain to be.
[00:16:25] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:16:27] Speaker B: So obviously we're not here for a vibe or to give a vi.
[00:16:34] Speaker A: Are.
[00:16:35] Speaker B: We need a vi.
That's what we really need.
But we just joke around and caught up and make each other laugh. And if you ask Liv, I depress the fuck out of her sometimes.
But what I really enjoyed about this series is all the organic humor that had been baked into it from the third minute. Like when Lib thought was absolutely positive. And if I may Assume skid checklets in episode two that I was about to ask her out. Lying.
[00:17:38] Speaker A: One of those good.
[00:17:40] Speaker C: I'm a person who throws up looking at public proposals of marriage. Have you. Have you ever. Have you ever. I literally, one time, because I live in New York, and this is the most New York story, I saw a man get down on his knees in the middle of Fifth Avenue, and the girl ran away like. Like, literally, like, pulled her hand out of his and booked it in the other direction. I was just like, that embarrassment that I feel. I'm know what's happening right now. I can't. So it was more the public aspect of it. It was like, all right, what are we gonna do? How am I gonna play this off? How am I gonna make this funny? Because I'm gonna die.
[00:18:22] Speaker A: So.
[00:18:23] Speaker B: Yeah.
Yeah. So that's what I will remember from this series.
Not only the.
That moment in season in episode two. Well, Lib was so convinced of something that I was going to do, but
[00:18:52] Speaker C: gonna haunt the rest of us for the. I have an anxiety disorder. It's gonna haunt me for the rest of my life. I'm gonna be up at 2 in the morning being like, oh, boy.
[00:19:00] Speaker B: But really, the entire humor arc, even the absurdly personal anecdotes that I started the separate show off with will be some of the highlights that I remember from this series.
I used humor as a defense mechanism, like the disabled Chandler Bing from Friends that I am.
No would know this, but throughout this entire series, I've been depressed, but saying that I would have not ever followed through on this series without these two wonderful advocates on the podcast with me.
So what will you guys take away from this delightful series live?
[00:20:23] Speaker C: Yeah, I'll. I'll start with. I'll jump off from that. I mean, not to get too vulnerable, not to get too earnest.
[00:20:29] Speaker A: Oh, get there. It's the last one.
[00:20:30] Speaker C: Go on the last one. Let's just do it.
Like. Like, you. You know, you were saying. You just said, Keith, that throughout recording this entire series, you've kind of been in a. A different mental headspace than like, what is going to come across on. On Mike for our listeners. That's very true for me too. I. I feel like we all kind of walked in here today with, like, baggage.
[00:20:53] Speaker A: I certainly didn't walk in here. What are you talking about?
[00:20:55] Speaker C: Yeah, no, we. We're just all dragging our butts here, just being like, oh, my God, I'm sorry.
[00:20:59] Speaker A: No, I just mean I didn't walk in here because I can't walk.
[00:21:03] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like, how are we gonna walk in here? Perfect. Andrew, I love that for you. Like, I, you know, I've been going through something unrelated, you know, family stuff. We've had. We've had kind of a family loss. I. You know, thank you. Yeah. Our. Yeah. Rest in power to Judy Partenza. Any of my family is listening. And, Judy, I love you.
You know, it's been. It's been a tough couple of weeks. I know Andrew has been juggling a lot of work stuff, like, a lot
[00:21:32] Speaker A: of just trying to be a disabled freelancer, man.
[00:21:34] Speaker C: Yeah, it's rough, man. You working with. With 30 less energy than a normal freelancer. I don't know.
[00:21:39] Speaker A: And, like, not wanting to. And I'm the boss, so if I don't do it, it won't get done.
[00:21:43] Speaker C: It's. It's so annoying, dude. I got into freelance so I wouldn't have to manage people. I like being my own boss. I like, you know, setting my own.
[00:21:49] Speaker A: Yeah, I like all that too. But I'm also like, oh, I have to write that thing. Okay. I'll just put it away for three weeks. Oh, it's good.
[00:21:57] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
[00:21:58] Speaker A: I haven't done it.
[00:21:59] Speaker C: Yeah. So I know we're all coming here from kind of darker places then, or at least like more fatigued places than. Than it appears on. On the microphone.
And I definitely.
I learned a lot about how well I'm able to advocate for myself when I'm working with other disabled people. Like, we. We have all just been kind of like. There have been so many text threads of, like, all right, I can't do it today, guys. Like, it's not. It's not gonna happen. Like, I'm tired. And it's just. There is just a.
A feeling of, like, I don't feel pressured to not ask for what I need with you, with you two, which is really a huge thing for me.
And. And you know what? Talking about love and romance is depressing. I'm sorry. I. I know. Like, I'm sorry. I. I feel like we leave this recording and we've kind of all been laughing and having a good time, but how much of that is the disabled humor that Keith was talking about? How much of that is kind of like we have to laugh about it, otherwise it's. It would just be true, and that's acceptable. You know, it would just be kind of a bummer if it wasn't funny. And so we're all kind of making each other laugh and having a good Time and then you leave and, you know, you turn the microphone off and you're like, I. I've got one poem in particular about a bad date that I used to think was so funny and, like, the audience would just.
Just so sad. Just so bummed out every time I. I was like, oh, this is one of those things where you're trying to, like, be funny as a disabled person and the able body people are just not picking up the joke. And you're like, I'm trying to, like, you know, make this livable. So I think that, you know, when you're doing something like this, you have to acknowledge the emotional costs of it, and you have to be willing to work with people who, you know, can kind of hold you in. In, like. I don't know, man. This is. It's. It's rough out here. I don't know. So I really. I appreciate getting to work with two people that I. I have been able to open myself up and trust enough to be like, I can't do it today, man. It's. It's not. It's not gonna happen. Or, like, take my dog for a walk and I don't time and I only have spoons enough to take the dog for a walk today. I can't do the recording at the same time.
[00:24:13] Speaker A: Or like, I just, you know, my tummy hurts and I can't be there.
[00:24:17] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:24:18] Speaker B: One of the new age things, the new age quips that I use is I'd say the darnage things when I'm sober.
[00:24:32] Speaker C: That's why I don't drink.
[00:24:33] Speaker B: That's really true. Andrew, what about you?
[00:24:40] Speaker A: It's nice to be on the other side of the mic, but I don't have to plan anything or do anything or be. I didn't like, because I'm. When I do a podcast and live, you know, you were on my show recently. Like, all of that is an intro. I have to listen to, like, 20 minutes of the show to remember what the we talked about, to find stuff to make the intro relevant. I have to, you know, I have to prep the guest. I have to send her questions. I have to, like, do all the editing, which is not very much to be fair, but I have to do all that. And, like, that takes dexterity and spoons and time. And so, like, it's nice to be on the other side of that where I don't really have to do a lot.
And it's nice to have somebody say, you know, your work inspired me enough to want to do this because I Make this my bedroom. Like, where you're seeing right now is my house. I don't have the studio. I don't have a team. There is no, like, I don't have an editor. I don't have any of. Any of the stuff that, like, the pro podcasters have. I have me.
So it's nice to, like, have someone say, oh, come be a guest, and you can just kind of take a breath. Cool. I don't have to do anything else.
[00:25:47] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:25:48] Speaker C: The three of us, it's like the three of us passing the ball back and forth, and you. You never kind of have to feel like it's all on you, you know what I mean? The three of us, it's just kind of like, we can kind of spread the energy around and, like, not have to.
There's no spotlight on anybody.
[00:26:02] Speaker B: Yeah, I. I really love that we shoot or we record without a script.
None of that had been scripted.
[00:26:18] Speaker A: Can you believe it?
[00:26:19] Speaker C: Yeah, I think they know, Keith. I think. I think they're aware.
[00:26:23] Speaker B: And yeah, the only reason I'm repeating that.
Delightful. I don't know why I have that word to stuck in my brain.
[00:26:36] Speaker C: Today's episode is brought to you by the letter D.
[00:26:42] Speaker B: That. That's good.
Yeah.
So, I mean, Andrew just mentioned his podcast, Disability After Dark required a lot of scripting, a lot of prepping, and my show, Disability Empowerment now does the same thing, requires a similar amount of work.
In contrast, this special topic series has been, again, a delightful joy, even when it's been excruciatingly hard, because again, we're just treat advocates talking over each other, making each other laugh and sharing embarrassing and hopefully humorous stories about love and pain and heartache and everything in between.
And so I totally agree with what Andrew Judge said about breaking the format of what we usually do and how repression that is as a podcast.
[00:28:22] Speaker C: Right. Because, Keith, you. I mean, I've been on both of your podcasts singularly, like, I would imagine, like, Keith, for you, is there, like, a very in depth, like, question? Coming up with questions, Process is. I. I. For me and Andrew, we were just kind of like, what are we gonna do? We're just gonna talk as friends on Andrew's part, I was just like, yeah,
[00:28:43] Speaker A: I mean, that's basically what we did.
[00:28:44] Speaker C: No, I was, I was really not. I. I'm not a planner. I'm just like, I'm gonna show up as myself and you guys.
[00:28:55] Speaker A: Sometimes I get approached by authors or, like, big people in the disability space who, like, want me to review their book or want me to do a thing or want. I get approached by their PR people all the time. I'm like, oh, I have to read your book now and then come up with questions and like, you know, make it. I have to make it really, really tight for their pr, which I'm happy to do. But, like, I don't enjoy that as much as I do. Like, let's just have. Let's just see where it goes.
[00:29:20] Speaker C: No, I'm a re. I'm a reader. I would love. I'm actually the one that. I'm actually working on two book reviews right now that are taking me forever because I love the books so much that I'm just like, how am I going to explain how I. This is what poetry does to me. I want to like, shake strangers on the street. Like, I want to go outside and be like, no, you don't understand. Like, that's how I feel. So. So book reviews are actually really hard for me. Not because of the. The coming up with things for the book review, but for the, like. How do I phrase this? In 2000 words.
[00:29:58] Speaker A: I always say yes to. To the author and I'm like, of course. Come on the show. And then I'm like. And then a day before I'll be like, fuck, I haven't read the book.
[00:30:04] Speaker C: Didn't read the book. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:30:07] Speaker B: Let me answer that question.
Not to humble brag, but the only gets. I prepared questions for.
It's Temple Grandin.
Yeah, Temple Grandin asks for questions. You give Temple Grandin questions and you study your pretty little ads off two weeks before. For researching her like there's no tomorrow. But beside those episodes, I use a popcorn type approach.
Every question except the last two, which tie every episode together.
It's really in the moment. Like all preview next season because it involved you two. We're going to do. And I don't know how the we are going to do that, but we did that so it couldn't be that hard.
But we. We are going to do a three book review of Liv Morone's poetry book, of Andrew Gerdse memoir and of Eric Hughes Buffy Sarah Mitchell Geller trauma memoir.
And we're going to lean heavily on Andrew's scheduled since seeds the box.
[00:32:14] Speaker A: What are we doing?
Wait, I didn't think. I didn't know that I agreed to this. What are we doing?
[00:32:19] Speaker B: Oh, silly. I. I should.
We'll talk about it of the.
That's.
[00:32:27] Speaker C: Yeah. I have questions. I. I have. I have. I mean, I'm like, this sounds good, but I Because knew you and I were doing an episode with Eric, which I'm really excited about, but. Oh my God, does that mean Andrew gets to review my book? I'll die. Like, that'll be.
[00:32:41] Speaker B: I mean, it's like if I.
And sorry, Andrew, not to put you on the spot really, about sex and dating, but I'd love to pop in
[00:32:57] Speaker A: and do an occasional. A couple months down the line. Sure. We'll see how.
[00:33:01] Speaker C: Yeah, we. I can make something like that.
[00:33:03] Speaker B: I mean, season five won't actually start until the fall, so.
[00:33:10] Speaker A: So we got. We have a good chunk of time to figure out.
[00:33:14] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:33:15] Speaker C: I may have another book out by then. Who knows?
[00:33:17] Speaker B: Yeah, and me too.
[00:33:18] Speaker A: Who knows? Who knows? I won't. But let's pretend that I.
[00:33:21] Speaker C: But let's pretend I'm not good. Let's. Yeah.
[00:33:24] Speaker B: So, I mean, I've noted in my modes recent episodes in this Bonitz season, old mentor of mine in my first graduate degree, humble brag, wanted to on air, know how my love life was going.
And I'm like, okay, so since you asked and it's you, I will give a very generic, generalized TED talk like speech where I'm just going off script and then another episode next year because I constantly love making fun of my own voice.
And so I describe it throughout the episode as what gives me sex appeal.
Whether or not that's actually true or not. Until the Gads, by the end of the episode is trying to legit get me a date by having dads email the podcast, trying to act me out.
[00:35:07] Speaker C: And I'm like, this was your academic mentor who was doing this?
[00:35:12] Speaker B: No, two different.
[00:35:15] Speaker C: Okay. I was about to be like, wow.
[00:35:18] Speaker B: I mean.
And the only reason I'm promoting my own show and those own episodes is because they dovetail very well into this series. And like Andrew said.
And what's in the original name of your show, Deligiously Disabled.
[00:35:48] Speaker A: No, that was another show I tried to do. And.
[00:35:50] Speaker B: Okay, but I mean, you said the majority of your first episodes were mainly about sex, love and disability.
And I. I tried to use much more humor in my show and really cut through a lot of the proverbial emotional red tape and walls that we all put up. And this series, that certainly helped with that because humor is when I'm leads in my head. And so I didn't spend an entire episode describing my voice as pure sex appeal and not taking myself seriously at all. And my academic advisor in the other episode said, I think your voice is charming. And I'm like, if only a woman would say that to me.
[00:37:11] Speaker C: I mean, it goes to part of the things that we think about ourselves that we think are the most undesirable. Right. Like, I, like, you know, I have features about myself largely directly related to my disability, where I'm like, yeah, that's not great like that, especially as I get older. You know, Andrew and I were talking about this a little bit on his podcast.
You know, aging with a disability, you develop all these kind of fun. You. You wake up every day and there's like a fun new problem, and you're like, okay, well, there's that.
[00:37:43] Speaker A: Now I gotta deal with this now. All more pain.
[00:37:48] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. I. I've been getting. I've been doing a collaborative writing project with another poet with cp, and she's the same age as me, but she. It's interesting because her special interest is actually cp, so she's very, like, like, up in a way that I'm not on. Like, how our bodies work and like, the way that CP has different effects on different parts of your body.
[00:38:11] Speaker A: I just think this really is so interesting because so many of us as disability, broadly, like, aging with disability, broadly, many of us don't age. I mean, we age, but we don't live to, like, 60. Some of us only 30.
[00:38:25] Speaker C: How long? Alice Wong, who just passed away, was, what, like 54 or something?
Horrible.
Yeah. So, like, so she, in the course of this collaboration, has been telling me a lot of, like, Ghost of Christmas future kind of deals right? Where you're. I'm like, oh, that's gonna. Yeah, I can already feel that happen. And that's. That's coming in the next couple of years.
And a lot of of that is directly related to my feelings about intimacy because I'm just like. I don't know, man.
Like, I, like, just as an example, the skin on your feet is breaking down. Do you really want to, like, have somebody else, like, looking at that, at that on the regular?
[00:39:07] Speaker B: You know, I'm giving you a foot massage. God, you can't even seduce you and get you in the mood.
[00:39:15] Speaker C: Yeah. Absolutely not. Don't touch me. Like, like, this is just. Yes. My body is a temple. It's very old. It's falling apart. It's kind of wanted. Like, what are we talking about? Like, no, just get away from me. Don't touch me. But I'm sure that, like, from the outside perspective, I think that the things that I think are the most disagreeable about me are actually to other people, very charming. I. I think I was actually just in a Space recently where I was doing this thing. And I think you can kind of sense me doing it now when I'm very physically tired, I turn my personality up to 11 when I have to, like, go and be social with people. When I'm exhausted, I'm like, I'm gonna be even more me than I would be otherwise. So nobody can tell how much I need, like, to take a nap, like, right now. And so I was taking this class where I was very, very particularly, like, I would show up and I would be very on, and I was like, God, I hope these people don't think I'm annoying. And then I skipped a week, and I got, like, four emails from my classmates being like, oh, my God, it's so not as much fun, you know, without you. I'm like, oh, thank God it's. It's working okay. Thank God I'm faking them out, you know? So I think that the things about ourselves that we find unattractive or, you know, weird, I think, you know, in the right circumstances for other people, we can kind of spin that to our advantage and make that something that other people find really intriguing about us.
[00:40:45] Speaker B: And it's not like I'm batching my voids unnecessarily. All because I hated. Unless. I mean, about 10 years ago, I started referring to it as the accent.
[00:41:04] Speaker C: The accent. The CP accent, baby.
[00:41:08] Speaker B: No one sounds the same at all. We all have different accents. And when I'm from Manhattan originally, and when people say, I hear the New Yorker in you, I'm like, really? Cause I should hear the jumble max that is my voice. But the sex appeal thing is another layer of I really don't take myself seriously sometimes, and it gives an instant laugh or chuckle or. Is he really serious? Did he just say that? Is he trying to be Machu? And all the answers to those questions are, no. I don't take myself seriously. And I will poke my disability, because if anyone is going to make fun of it, it's going to be me and not you.
[00:42:29] Speaker C: There's a sense of family getting to it. Getting to it. Yeah, yeah. There's a sense of really, like, okay, before anybody says anything, I'm gonna put everybody at ease, and I'm gonna, like, you know, make sure everybody knows that I'm cool with it. But you can't say it. It. Yeah, this is actually really okay. I want to do a self love exercise right now.
I'm putting on my little fake therapist hat right now. Okay, guys, what does give you sex appeal? What is Sexy about you. What is the thing in your, your personality that you're like, this is gonna
[00:43:00] Speaker A: be what, how, what, how, how dirty am I allowed to go here?
[00:43:06] Speaker C: Oh, let's go, let's go as far as we can.
[00:43:11] Speaker A: I mean me sexy feel. I do have, I have a nice dick. And I've been told this.
[00:43:17] Speaker C: I love that for you. I love, I love that multiple times
[00:43:20] Speaker A: by multiple men have a nice dick. Which, which is nice because a lot of people assume that because I'm sitting down and I'm in a wheelchair and all these misconceptions, they assume that my dick doesn't work. And so when I'm validated about the size of my dick or the, how nice it looks. Oh, that's, you know, nice. My whole body could be twisted and mangled. And mangled. But my dick works so great.
[00:43:44] Speaker C: Yeah, I love that for you. I love that for you. Okay, Keith, your turn. What does give you sex appeal?
[00:43:49] Speaker B: No, no, you had to go first.
[00:43:52] Speaker C: Okay, okay, okay, okay.
I'll give like a shallow one and then I'll give like an actually, like an in depth one because I have actually thought about this. I love my boobs. I don't know how much longer I'm going to love them. I don't know how much longer they're going to be airborne, worn in the way that they should be. But I, but for now they're great. I love them. They, they, they, they're lovely.
And I think from, from a more like in depth answer. I want people to be their happiest selves when they're around me. So I'm like a really, really good hype man. Like you. If you, if you come to me and you tell me the thing that you're really interested in or the thing that's making you really excited, it doesn't matter whether or not I'm actually excited about it.
[00:44:43] Speaker A: I think on the flip of that living and like you were saying, like, I want people to, I want people to be the happiest when they're around me. I just want people to be the happiest when they're not around me. And if that means you don't, you can't be around me, best of luck to you.
[00:44:58] Speaker C: I love that. See, Andrew, that's so nice. That's so great that you're like, that's so nice. Like, I, I really want the people who come into contact with me to like feel like they can be their most authentic selves.
[00:45:11] Speaker A: And like, believe it or not, there are, there are People in the world who won't like us.
Like I'm sure people listening like those idiots again. Wow.
[00:45:21] Speaker B: Like, so let me go and I'll jump off what Liv said above serious answers or maybe in reverse.
What I'm what I hope I'm what I hope gives me sex appeal. It's my emotional vulnerability and my emotional readiness in terms of legibility that I actually care about people not just their bodies that I actually want to romance their souls as cheesy and in depth and unrealistic ads that may seem.
But yeah, the serious down and dirty answer. And I. I can't believe some of the goods I.
Some of the women I've dated not girls I apologize.
Have told me verbatim what guides tell Andrew. Verbatim.
[00:46:56] Speaker C: That's cool.
[00:46:57] Speaker B: That is very, very surprising to me because I've always considered myself either average in that department or just below average.
Like my iq.
And yeah, that would degraded.
[00:47:26] Speaker A: No, no, let's not ever. Let's not connect IQ to. To.
[00:47:31] Speaker C: Yeah, I got. I got thoughts on iq.
[00:47:34] Speaker B: No, but I would just trying to make a very awkward transition.
But that.
I mean, I have mixed feelings about hearing that and I really shouldn't.
It's just a surprise to me that a huge select women who have seen me in the nude have commented. You have a really nice peanuts.
[00:48:16] Speaker C: And it's like when you get it.
[00:48:19] Speaker B: I really hope that my parents aren't listening.
[00:48:25] Speaker A: I hope they are.
[00:48:26] Speaker B: I really, really do hope they're listening.
Your son isn't as innocent as he appears to be, Mother.
[00:48:41] Speaker A: Yikes.
[00:48:42] Speaker C: I. I told my parents, I was like, listen, I'm almost 40. Like, and it wasn't even a question of like, whether or not they were gonna listen. I live with them, so there's like a very real possibility that. That somebody was gonna overhear something that maybe, you know, as we were recording that maybe they shouldn't. I. I like, I went to them and I was like, look, I'm doing this podcast.
I'm almost 40 years old. Like, I don't know what to tell you at this point.
[00:49:06] Speaker A: Like, if you're 40 and you have CP, so your. Your head is 40. Your body's very 60.
[00:49:11] Speaker C: Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, that. No, My head is 36. My body is about 65. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just doing the best I can to keep the wheels from falling off the car. That's. That's all it is. Just. Just really trying as hard as I can. I had something else I wanted to say. Oh, okay. For the girl in the room.
So you, for you, how much comparison between people with dick is going on in. In the wild? Like what? Like, explain to me, from a queer
[00:49:43] Speaker A: male to male standpoint, are we comparing so we can blow each other after or are we comparing so we can like, it's. I think if you're just dudes comparing, that's a bit weird and gross and who cares? Like, usually if I, if I compare a dick. But we like compare size is. It's usually because we're jokingly saying that to then have sex with each other afterwards.
[00:50:06] Speaker C: Right. It's like for, it's like for logistics. It's for like math, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Okay. I. I'm just curious, you know, like, because I don't really.
I'm not in that world right, where I'm like, what kind of comparison is going on? Like, you guys are all.
[00:50:22] Speaker A: The whole idea of comparison is so like TV sitcom, made up stupid. Nobody really.
[00:50:28] Speaker C: Nobody really does that.
[00:50:30] Speaker A: No real self.
[00:50:31] Speaker B: Like going back and I go into heart bondage. But going back to some of the comments that some of my exes have told me surrounding that area of my body was just surprising shock. And I almost said delightful surprise again.
Dude, sweet heavens, what is it with me in the wood?
[00:51:07] Speaker C: It's going. It's in there. It's really in there.
[00:51:09] Speaker B: It's because I just.
And I see myself naked every morning, but it's like I don't really pay attention to that area.
Like, to me, that area of my body is probably the least interesting area about myself if I was trying to meet a hook up with myself. I don't.
[00:51:54] Speaker C: Right. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:51:56] Speaker B: And I can't believe I just said that on air, but yeah. I mean, and so getting that feedback from women I've actually respected and still do, it was very validating.
More in a way than I ever thought I would be validated by another human.
And so it, it's.
Yeah.
[00:52:32] Speaker C: And it's. You get to a point where like, okay, if multiple of your ex girlfriends have said that to you, they can't all be bullshitting. Yeah.
[00:52:40] Speaker B: You know what I mean?
[00:52:41] Speaker C: If they honed in on it, they can't all be. That's, that's, that's independent of each other. It's not like there was like a text group or something in the back. You know what I mean? Like, okay, this is how I started to feel about my poems. Eventually I was like, not mathematically. Not everybody can just be being nice like people when people are telling me that I'm talented, that I'm like, like, just from a statistical standpoint, not everybody can be bullshitting me. So the, the amount of num. Like the numbers that you that you're getting it in. And I wish I could get to that point about my physical appearance as well, because there are a lot of people who have told me that I'm very attractive. And at a certain point, it's like, yeah, mathematically, you, you, that they can't all be full of. You know what I mean? They can't all be bullshitting you. They can't all be patronizing you.
You know, so, yeah, that to get it. To get the same compliment from several people who you're with.
It does solidify it. It does. It is kind of like, all right, well, they.
[00:53:37] Speaker A: What's being solidified again? What's solidifying?
[00:53:40] Speaker C: Oh, my God, Andrew, thank you. I walked into that so bad. Okay.
[00:53:44] Speaker B: When I'm having sex with a woman, one of my girlfriends at the time, and she said during sex, while I'm actually inside her, you know, when I tell you you have a big dick, that's a good thing.
Again, there is no possible way to mix in tub.
[00:54:18] Speaker C: Right. I'm giving it to you in the context.
[00:54:22] Speaker B: I mean, it should. When I'm making her moan real time, There is no possible way that she's bullshitting me on just being nice. And so. Thank you for bringing that up.
[00:54:44] Speaker A: Friends.
I have to, I have to almost bounce out of here. I got some care.
[00:54:49] Speaker C: Yes. Yeah.
[00:54:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:54:52] Speaker C: Again, maybe one final question, Keith, for us or how do we want to wrap up this up?
[00:54:57] Speaker B: Yeah, I, I, I knew how to started with the ridiculous college antidotes.
I really don't know how to end.
[00:55:13] Speaker C: Can I say, I know that we had initially said that this episode was going to be about breakups. I'm so grateful that this episode did not be wind up being about breakups,
[00:55:23] Speaker A: rather the episode be about dicks, because that's what we got.
[00:55:25] Speaker C: We got it w up being about dick.
[00:55:27] Speaker B: I really, I mean, I remember texting that could at the time, that was where my headspace was. Still is. By the way, I, I would love to tease season two in about half a year or a year.
I'm not ballsy enough to put my cohorts on the spot and say, how about season two? I'm game if you are.
I know, Liv, that we wanted to go on to a different topic.
[00:56:16] Speaker C: Yeah, you and I are definitely the new year. Yeah, you and I are definitely gonna do another Miniseries where we're gonna pivot to a topic that I actually do feel qualified to talk about as opposed to, you know, dicks I don't feel qualified to talk about.
I'm not. I'm not really up on. I don't have a graduate degree in. In getting laid. So I would really like to pivot to something that I do actually feel. Feel qualified.
With love.
You know what? Actually, now that I'm thinking About it, a PhD in gender and Sexuality studies. It's a disabled person.
[00:56:53] Speaker A: I had a PhD. Pretty hard, dude.
[00:56:55] Speaker C: Yeah, you have a pretty. There we go. I love that. Andrew. Thank you.
[00:57:00] Speaker A: Anytime.
[00:57:00] Speaker B: The new topic. That's what I was trying to.
[00:57:07] Speaker C: I think what we had discussed and this is like so general right now, what we had discussed was talking about like disability and making art, like different artists and talking about our own process. And I think that will tie in nicely with the episode that we're going to do with Eric about Geller studies, which is his book about Sarah Michelle Geller, which, by the way, is delicious. It's so good. So, yeah, I'd like to talk about diligent.
[00:57:33] Speaker B: Oh, it's delightful.
I can't understand why I keep saying that word.
[00:57:41] Speaker C: I'm not. This is gonna be a bit now, Keith. I'm gonna. This is really gonna. I'm. You're never gonna get me to stop. This is gonna be a bit now. You're just. It's gonna be a problem. Anyway, so, yeah, we are gonna do, I think a series about art making, but I don't want to keep Andrew waiting.
[00:57:59] Speaker A: So do we. Let me, let me sign. Let me do a sign off. Thank you so much for having me on the series. It was a pleasure.
I appreciate that. I was the.
The muse for this whole series. Thank you so much.
If you want to follow my work. AndrewGurza.com if you want to email me andrew girza.com if you want to listen to my award winning podcast Disability After Dark every Sunday, you should all the places. If you want to come on the show, email me.
Follow me on Instagram Andrew Girza and Blue Sky Andrew Girza.
[00:58:32] Speaker C: He said 500 episodes. If you want to come on the show.
Definitely hit him up because obviously we're getting to a point where he's like, what am I gonna do every week?
[00:58:41] Speaker A: Yeah, I need some people. I need some people. So let me know.
[00:58:45] Speaker B: I'll do a whole 10 episode season with you if you want. You may get very, very tired of me halfway through. But if you need a high man I'm your guy.
[00:59:05] Speaker A: Yeah, I'll see where we are. I'll see where we are. To be about to let.
[00:59:09] Speaker B: Yeah, no, I would like to end this by thanking my co host Andrew Garza and Liv Morone without your tilage pageant and feel it's advocacy and unflinching honesty and vulnerability.
When my producer recommended that I do this series, I had the two people I wanted to do it.
[00:59:47] Speaker A: Oh, thank you.
[00:59:50] Speaker B: And I told her that if I couldn't get these exact two people, that the whole series was going to be scrapped.
[01:00:06] Speaker A: Again, like low key.
[01:00:10] Speaker B: So cool.
[01:00:11] Speaker C: I feel so, like, wow. I feel great. This is, this is feeling good. Wow.
[01:00:15] Speaker A: It feels like you know that you know Amy Poehler's new podcast, Good Hang. This is like gimp hanging.
[01:00:20] Speaker C: Gimping. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Now I want to start that podcast.
[01:00:24] Speaker A: Listen, Amy Poehler, if you want to produce my show, I'm here. Let me know. Just, just call me.
[01:00:29] Speaker C: I'll work with you. That mean girls money, baby.
[01:00:32] Speaker A: I'm gonna come on if you want me to come on if you want us to come on. Good Hang. Amy Buller. We're not famous at all. I have no, no like following. But if you that it's cool.
[01:00:43] Speaker B: So ads we'd sign all three.
Disability Empowerment now is available on the website.
Did civility empowerment now.com Apple podcast, Spotify, Amazon Music for some reason and audible.
[01:01:08] Speaker A: Don't, don't get mad at the Amazon overlords. They might shut up.
[01:01:11] Speaker B: No, no, it's just I, I found that weird. I get why it's on audible. I don't understand who listens to podcasts on Amazon.
[01:01:24] Speaker C: I would agree. I, I, I get. Amazon is a music platform. I don't, I don't know anybody who listens to podcasts.
[01:01:31] Speaker A: Yeah, but if you do, Hey, I don't, I don't.
[01:01:34] Speaker B: Before we go, please hype your own book and what you do for a living.
And please do not make me do it, because I totally, totally will.
[01:01:53] Speaker C: Oh, everybody knows how bad I am at self promo, man. It's like a whole thing.
[01:01:58] Speaker B: Come on.
[01:01:59] Speaker A: Is the, is the author of Fire in the Waiting Room?
[01:02:04] Speaker C: Yeah, you got it. Yeah.
[01:02:05] Speaker A: It's a gamer.
[01:02:08] Speaker C: Game over books.
[01:02:09] Speaker A: Game over books.
She is 36 going on 40. Her body's going on 65. She's available for speaking gigs and talks and writing and poetry things. Although it's hard for her to leave the house. Maybe.
[01:02:22] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. If so if you, if you want to reach out to me. Oliviamamonemail.com it Instagram, mamon, underscore live.
Live mamone. Poems.com is where you can check out my book and all of my. My poetry stuff.
Yeah. Come reach out to me. Come talk to me. Let's talk about poems. If you are disabled and you have a book of poetry or you need somebody to even like, you want to write poetry and you just don't think that you can reach out to me because I live.
[01:02:52] Speaker A: And why isn't your next book called Living with cp?
[01:02:57] Speaker C: Oh, that's so good.
[01:03:00] Speaker A: Take it.
[01:03:01] Speaker C: So good.
I gotta change my website right now. Oh, my God. I'm gonna have to change my Squarespace page.
[01:03:09] Speaker B: That's really good. And if I can somehow get you guys back for another few episodes on breakup. So whatever else is so sad though.
But, I mean, we've spent the majority of this episode talking about dicks and talking about making podcasts the important stuff.
Yeah.
[01:03:40] Speaker A: So what you're saying is we should make a podcast about dick. Yeah, I'm here for that. Okay.
[01:03:44] Speaker C: I'm into that. Let's do it.
[01:03:45] Speaker B: So I. I'm sure we can jazz you think disability breakups.
[01:03:52] Speaker C: Somehow I was grateful I wouldn't have to, like, put my ex girlfriend on blast on the podcast. Like, I. I have. I have one ex girlfriend in particular who I. The breakup was bad, but I love her very much and, like, there is a possibility that she would listen to this podcast and I wasn't gonna, like, name drop her or anything, but it's
[01:04:11] Speaker A: like, do it now. Do it now.
[01:04:13] Speaker C: Feels so good that I, like, I don't have to tell that story because I was like, you know what? Nah, it's fine. Everything turned out okay. Nobody died.
[01:04:23] Speaker B: No, I mean, I all totally agree fully with you, Liv, about that. That's why I've always bundled my exes together, because your names are irrelevant.
Just like my height.
[01:04:47] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah.
[01:04:48] Speaker A: On that note, I really have to pee. I love you both so much.
Bye.
[01:05:02] Speaker B: You have been lynching to Disability Empowerment Now. I would like to thank my guests, you, the listener, and the Disability Empowerment now team that made this episode possible.
More information about the podcast can be found at disability empowerment now.com or on social media at Disability Empowerment Now.
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