[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:05] Speaker B: Welcome to Disability Empowerment now season four. I'm your host, Keith Murphy De Cancini. Today I'm talking to Heather G. Markham, the author of Rough Waters From Surviving to Thriving with a Progressive Mudstrew Ditch Trophy. Heather, welcome so much to the show.
[00:00:44] Speaker A: Thanks, Keith. I'm really glad to be here.
[00:00:47] Speaker B: Tell me, how did you find out about the podcast or the video Cats?
[00:00:55] Speaker A: Oh, I was honestly looking for interesting people to talk to, and you popped up as an interesting person to talk to. And I thought, I need to find more out about Disability Empowerment now and about Keith. And when I looked you up, I was like, yep, he's a guy I want to talk to.
[00:01:19] Speaker B: So I'm flattered in, humbled by that.
Thank you.
Your book is incredible.
Let's start with the title.
How did you pick that title for people who haven't read the book yet?
[00:01:47] Speaker A: Yet, sure. So I actually worked with an amazing team who helped put the book together. They worked on the.
The name of the type of editing just disappeared right out of my brain. So there's, there's copy editing, which you're kind of familiar with, but there's also editing where a person goes through and says, you know, who's this character and why are they important?
And my book had actually been titled something else altogether. And when the team finished reading through it, they're like, you know, this is really rough waters. Like, you've been through some rough, rough waters. And rough waters is a metaphor for a lot of things in the book. It's a metaphor that it's actually not even a metaphor. It's is directly in surfing. Right. When you hit rough waters and people talk about rough waters in their life or calm waters, you know, And I've been through a lot of turbulence in my life, but, you know, you just pop up to the surface and hold your breath until you can pop up to the surface. And then, you know, you breathe. And so it was really important to be able to talk about that. And you want a title that's going.
[00:03:13] Speaker B: To grab people to take me back to what motivated you to write the book in the first place. And it covers a long period of time from 2002 to 2016.
And you have been through some major life changes this year. Congratulations are in order.
So from 2002. Sorry, from 2002 to now of 2016, what encouraged you, you to write the book and why? Again, I'm proceeding as if I haven't read the book.
Why that time period?
[00:04:24] Speaker A: Sure. So when I was first diagnosed in 2002, I had been symptomatic for 12 years at that point.
[00:04:34] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:04:35] Speaker A: Yeah. And I didn't have any. I didn't have a story like mine to look at, to find hope in.
And so I wrote this book for three specific sets of people. I wrote this book for people like me who were early in their diagnosis stage or were a little further along and were looking for hope.
I wrote it for their friends and family because my friends and family had no idea what was going on with me and I didn't have a really clear way to express it.
And I wrote it for young doctors. Well, all doctors and all people in the medical and paramedical professional profession. Right. To help increase empathy.
[00:05:36] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:36] Speaker A: Because I was mishandled by a lot of doctors along the way.
And a little empathy would have gone a really long way with me. And for. To help them understand that just because what you're seeing doesn't look like what is actually going on, doesn't mean that you're right and the person who's feeling it is wrong.
[00:06:01] Speaker B: Okay, so was it scary to begin the process of telling your life story and being ads build to the bones with.
That's one thing that really struck me about the book. It's a no holds barred type writing. What would you like going through that broad sense? Did you have it in mind from the very beginning? Did you have to eat, ease your way into it?
Did you have to go to therapy to really psych yourself up? Writing therapy?
[00:07:00] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:07:00] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:07:01] Speaker A: So what I will tell you is that the original book was not this book.
What my due tell, do tell. So I had actually written a book of stories of things that happened in my life.
And when my developmental editor got a hold of the book, she's like, yeah, this is not a great book and it will be much more interesting. You know, it's okay. I mean, it wasn't okay at the time because I had spent. I had had the book in my hand for five years at that point and. And it hadn't left to go out to editing.
But she said, you know, it'll be much more interesting and much more interesting to people and much more compelling if you tell the story of your life, not stories from your life.
So nobody cares that your cat caught a mouse and brought it in the house, like. And that your service dog played with it. She's like, it's a funny story, but it doesn't tell anything about us, about who you are.
It will be much better if you're willing to dig deep now. So during the developmental editing Process. I was actually also in trauma therapy at the same time. I do not recommend trying to write a memoir where you delve deep into what it feels like to have a progressive muscular dystrophy as it is taking apart your body while you're going through trauma therapy. It was overwhelming.
There was a lot of catharsis in the writing, but also a lot of, you know, catharsis happening, not in the writing. And it was. It was tough. It was a really big struggle.
So I would recommend doing both of those things. I just wouldn't recommend them at the same time.
[00:08:55] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:57] Speaker A: And it's interesting because when we were choosing pictures for the book, there's a picture in the book that some people have had to look really closely at, but it's after my mastectomy, and so I was flat on one side and prior to. So I was after mastectomy prior to reconstruction. And my editor said, are you really sure you want to put this picture in here? And I said, there's an entire one or two chapters that having a mastectomy and what it felt like emotionally and the reconstruction process. So I'm already talking about it.
I might as well show it. Yeah, the information's already out there. And I had talked. I actually sent the chapter to my counselor in Pittsburgh, and I said, what do you think? And she said, I think this chapter might help some people.
And I said, okay, then I will be grid nitty gritty, brutally honest about all of the stuff, meaning life. You know, life with a disability is capital C, challenging.
[00:10:07] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:10:08] Speaker A: Yeah. And there's no reason to hide from it.
[00:10:13] Speaker B: No.
[00:10:14] Speaker A: And there's no reason to sugarcoat it.
[00:10:17] Speaker B: No.
[00:10:18] Speaker A: And it's important that our. That our lives are still seen as valuable, even if they're different Now. I can't stand the term differently abled because even my friend who plays tennis in the neighborhood is differently abled than Serena Williams. Okay.
Like, that's nothing to do with the fact that, I mean, she's still walking it. She's still able bodied looking, but she is differently abled than Sirilon Williams. So we have to stop making up words for having a disability. Thank you. I'm so glad I made you laugh because that is my favorite thing to do.
[00:11:03] Speaker B: Five hours later, I'm still laughing.
It's very true. I mean, disability to go off what you just said, disability.
It's not inherently or otherwise a bad word. It's not trying to sugarcoat it.
It's that the bad.
[00:11:40] Speaker A: Right.
[00:11:40] Speaker B: Invisibility isn't a boogeyman. Or a boogie person or whatever. Right. It's the fear of not knowing about it, not knowing about the person.
It's the unknown that scared odds. And that's been cornerstone of human history, human psychology, human fear, human whatever since the dawn of time.
[00:12:25] Speaker A: Right. And I think, I think what's scary to the able bodied community is that they can join us in a heartbeat. And that is terrifying.
[00:12:43] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:12:44] Speaker A: And so they just. And so people just pretend it's not possible.
That makes us the thems and not the us's.
[00:12:53] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:12:54] Speaker A: And so. Yeah. Anyway, so I, I wrote the book because I wanted to talk about my experience. And, and yeah, it's tough and, and, but laying it open, I never thought I was going to write a book about what it felt like to have a muscular dystrophy because, you know, this is kind of personal just a little bit. But you know, I, I think it, I've been getting feedback that it's. The book's been out for a year now and I've been getting some really good feedback that it's having an impact on people who aren't in the disability committee. Also.
[00:13:41] Speaker B: Will there be a audiobook made for TV movie Hollywood.
Holy wood, not Hollywood, Hollywood movie.
[00:13:59] Speaker A: Well, if you know any movie producers, I'm sure that we can work that out.
Yeah, an audiobook is in the works. We just don't have a time frame for release yet.
[00:14:11] Speaker B: Good.
[00:14:12] Speaker A: And I appreciate the congratulations. I just got married.
[00:14:16] Speaker B: You moved into a new house.
[00:14:20] Speaker A: Yeah, we're in the process of moving into a new house.
And so it's one of those things that's just bang, bang, bang.
[00:14:30] Speaker B: Like, how did you meet your spouse, if I may ask?
[00:14:36] Speaker A: Sure. We met in high school.
[00:14:40] Speaker B: So congratulations.
[00:14:43] Speaker A: So I have a friend who was like, you have to get back in the dating pool. And I said, no, that is so not happening. She's like, heather, he's just not gonna send it. Show up on your doorstep. And it turns out he showed up in my email.
He.
Yeah, he and I have known each other. We went to a school dance together in 1984 and there's photographic proof of that.
And we, we. So that was in the 80s and we went to separate colleges and it was the 80s and keeping in touch was tough and we lost track of each other and we had our separate lives and we both ended up back in the Phoenix area and we're going to end up probably writing our story. And he doesn't mind me saying he lost his wife to cancer.
And he said when he was ready to come looking. I was the first person he wanted to come find and. I know, right? That face. I know. And so his daughter's also a photographer, his son's an engineer and his daughter's a photographer. And he was, you know, looking at her website and looking out for. Looking at other photo websites and he found my photography website and there's a lot of. There was a lot of press about me. I've been published in a lot of ways and my. My websites were already up and stuff. And so he found me and he reached out and turns out I was. I was still available and we went out for iced tea and that was.
And we've been together ever since. So.
[00:16:31] Speaker B: Wait, did you just say.
That's a very odd first date.
Yeah. So you went out for I T. Did I hear that correct?
[00:16:46] Speaker A: Right? Well, it was actually our. He said, when do you want to meet? And I said, Saturday at 2:00, which is the most non committal time on the planet.
[00:16:55] Speaker B: Amen.
[00:16:57] Speaker A: Right. It really is. It's not lunch and it's not dinner and it's not cocktails. It's. I mean, 2:00. So at 2:00 in the afternoon you have. I see.
[00:17:10] Speaker B: I didn't know that. I thought you took a nap. I thought that's what normal humans did, but apparently not. You have ice tea.
[00:17:24] Speaker A: Yeah. So they were technically Arnold Palmer's, but it was, you know.
[00:17:28] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:17:28] Speaker A: Okay. So, you know, a little bit of sweet. And we talked for four hours.
[00:17:33] Speaker B: Wow. Wow.
[00:17:35] Speaker A: And decided that we wanted to see each other again.
And that was last January.
[00:17:42] Speaker B: And again and again and again and again.
[00:17:45] Speaker A: And we got engaged. We. We reconnected last January, we got engaged in May, and we were married a year later. So I know we needed it. You know, there are lots of reasons and we'll talk about them in the book. So. So yes, I just got married is what this won't. This will make your podcast not Evergreen, but in. Over Memorial Day in 2024. So there we go.
[00:18:13] Speaker B: Wow.
Hold on.
[00:18:17] Speaker A: I know. And I'm old.
Like, like I'm 56. I never expected to be a new bride at 56.
[00:18:27] Speaker B: Huh.
Wow. Okay.
[00:18:32] Speaker A: And I gave. I gave him an early copy of my book to read. And I said, you know, you should read this book because. And it's all predates, you know, this connection, so you need to be okay with, you know, what's in this book.
[00:18:48] Speaker B: And he was, he was.
And so I, I was looking at some of the chapter titles because I'm really Good at figuring out creative titles.
I just, I love the title.
Chapter 23. From my first Wave to Falling in Love in Rough waters.
And chapter 29, beautiful Bridget's mine.
I could go on and on about the titles. Chapter of 46, Letting Go with Love and Snuggles. And I like the next chapter. Heart Shit. Indeed.
I mean it's just from reading the table of contents. It's a very engaging read. And those are chapter titles.
[00:20:16] Speaker A: Thank you. I titled those. Those are my titles.
[00:20:20] Speaker B: And so that goes into the next question.
Talk about.
Because those are your title. Writing the chapters, it's one thing. Oh, we're both writers and we're both creative writers.
Writing the chapter, writing the story, writing the poem or the song lyric, whatever, it's one thing.
Titling it is often a completely.
Or can be a completely different process.
Sometimes people come up with titles before the main walk. How was it for you in writing this book? Did you write the chapter and then the title or the title and then the chapter or did they both meet each other in the middle?
[00:21:41] Speaker A: I mean, so I had an outline of the book because I had a previous copy. So my previous book was 110,000 words. And the first person. Yeah, the first person was like, wait, this is way too long and it needs to be cut.
And I rewrote 60% of the book in four months.
And it's still. I know. And it still ended up.
[00:22:09] Speaker B: Did you sleep?
[00:22:11] Speaker A: No, no. And I. And I was self employed so I had the time to do it.
So that made a difference.
But no, all I did was write and struggle and write. And I had some of the framework titles kind of frameworked already.
But, but horseshit indeed if you know is it. That kind of happened after the fact. It's like, okay, well where is this all wrap up? Letting Go with Love and Snuggles was already titled. And then I just kind of tweaked that chapter.
And so mostly the chapter titles were written after the fact.
When I would go back and look at the title, look at the chapter and then say, you know, what's the good summary for this chapter?
And my editing team did not change any of my chapter titles at all.
When we were choosing. When you talk about the COVID and the title, when we were choosing the COVID art. Yeah, yeah, I took that photo.
Now I'm not in, I'm not in that photo.
[00:23:26] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:23:27] Speaker A: I am not brave enough to be the woman in a thong bathing suit sliding down a water slide in a public place.
But I am certainly the photographer who was in the right place at the right time, looking for the creative.
[00:23:44] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:23:46] Speaker A: And. And took that image. So I'm excited to, besides having gallery stuff, hung around the world, also now have a cover credit, which you can appreciate as an artist to have a wide variety of credits. Right.
[00:24:01] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah.
So.
So you mentioned that you're now Hudspin and you are going to write your story.
[00:24:15] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:16] Speaker B: Can you tell what going into that project is going to be like, not only with your spouse, but having wrote this, bare bones and all, and a previous draft that got rejected and recreated into that, how will it be.
What will it be like to tell your story as a couple? And which one of you came up with that idea? And what was the reaction of the other part?
[00:25:14] Speaker A: So my husband has a background in broadcasting.
He spent 10 years in the radio industry, and he has a Ph.D. in communication.
So we are probably the two wordiest people on the planet.
And when we started looking for wedding venues, you know, we would. I said to Paul, people are going to want to be part of our story.
And people said, you should write your story. And we looked at each other and went, yeah, we should write our story.
And so it was just kind of a. Yeah, we should do that.
We really should do that. And so in the. We're. We're in the early framing out discussion of it.
He's just finished an associate's degree because we're lifelong learners, clearly.
Yeah. In. In viticulture and enology, which are the fancy words for making and running a vineyard and then making wine.
I know.
[00:26:26] Speaker B: Can you two adopt me?
I like wine. That's my coy way of saying I. I really like wine. No, continue, because that's interesting. Old jokes inside. That's a very interesting subject matter to go in to. And I almost want to have you get him in here so that I can interview him about the process of figuring out, hey, that's something I want to study.
Why?
[00:27:18] Speaker A: I will introduce. I will. I will put together an introduction and you can enter and you can talk to him because he would love that. How's that? Okay.
[00:27:27] Speaker B: Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, that. That would be fascinating because I've never heard those terms. Hell, I didn't even know that wor. Something you could major in. Damn, I need to go back to school.
But, like, here.
[00:27:52] Speaker A: So. Okay, so. So we have talked about. So he just finished that degree and we have talked about how to frame this out. Yeah, right.
What are we going to include?
And what are. What aren't we going to include?
I mean, how Are we. And we're still kind of negotiating the navigating. Negotiating is the wrong word. Navigating.
[00:28:19] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:28:20] Speaker A: The.
How are we going to wander the story back and forth? Are we going to write the same time frames and then write our own points of view?
Because that's an interesting way to handle that.
We have parallel timelines clearly.
Right. He's a year younger than I am, so he graduated high school a year after I did. And I have funny recollections. We were just.
We went to his parents house. We had gone out to dinner with them, and then we stopped by his parents house and we walked in the kitchen and I was like, it's not changed since 1985.
And I said, I remember sitting right there at this kitchen, in this kitchen, and you bringing me your report card from your first semester college. Like, I remember, I have these funny recollections. I remember being in the den, laying on the couch, watching football. Like, I remember all of these funny things, you know, but we've just had very different lives and then what it's like to come back together, you know, and his role as, you know, his.
So I said to him early, before we got engaged, are you sure you want to do this again?
[00:29:47] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:29:49] Speaker A: Are you sure?
You know, and he said, it's a fair question.
[00:29:56] Speaker B: It's a fair, really fair question. Particularly when you lose your vet's spouts and cancer.
[00:30:09] Speaker A: Rough.
[00:30:14] Speaker B: I mean, yeah, it's totally j in deep question to ask.
[00:30:24] Speaker A: Right.
And he said, I want to be with you no matter what that looks like.
[00:30:38] Speaker B: So. So I, I'm obviously wrong, but I was concerned that I was the large romantic male on the planet.
I'm so glad that, that he wanted that.
[00:31:01] Speaker A: Yeah. And lots of people tried. I, I think, I don't know that they tried to talk him out of it, but they really, they really double checked it. Are you sure?
Are you sure?
You know? And he's like, yes, I'm sure.
You know, it's. But they're his family.
[00:31:28] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:31:29] Speaker A: Okay. And family is allowed to say, are you sure?
And you are allowed as, as every person is allowed to put up those boundaries and say, yes, I'm sure. And we're not talking about. And we're not having this conversation again.
You get to ask me once and I'm gonna. And I. And. And then, and then the conversation is off limits.
And so. And everyone smart, very respectful of that.
[00:32:00] Speaker B: Good.
[00:32:02] Speaker A: And I know them all from before.
[00:32:04] Speaker B: Right.
[00:32:05] Speaker A: I know his parents, I know his sisters.
You know, it was interesting to meet his children.
Because when we were in high school, you know, we were serious for a very long time.
And so I said, it's interesting to not be the mother of your children and that you have children who are grown ups. What? His old, his son just got married. His daughter just finished graduate school. I said, you know, I'm gonna love being grandma to those grandbabies.
[00:32:42] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:32:43] Speaker A: And I'm good with that.
The only, the kid I have is, is, is I inherited hers when she was a teenager, so she's in her 40s now.
[00:32:55] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:32:56] Speaker A: And I have a nephew who's about to turn 40, so.
And they all, and they, everybody adores him.
[00:33:04] Speaker B: So Joe, you mentioned, and you'd saved me from accident question, how well did you two know each other in high school? And you were serious in high school terms?
Yeah, high school terms. Well, let's face it, high school, we, how we were then, we always thought a plumage is a plumage. We're gonna go the distance and that's forever. Yada, yada, yada.
It was very interesting that you said it's interesting not being the mother of your children.
[00:34:03] Speaker A: Right.
[00:34:06] Speaker B: Maybe I'm too curious. But I have to ask, what was his response to that question, that statement?
[00:34:24] Speaker A: He, you know, he's very thoughtful.
[00:34:27] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:34:28] Speaker A: And so I, it sounds like it. He's very thoughtful and he's very measured in his words.
And so he said, so we'll talk a whole lot more about that when our book comes out. But it's not, you know, it's that kind of stuff that we're probably going to end up talking about, you know, and he, you know, and he said, I'm sure it's very strange for you because we were together for nearly five years and so like through college, like.
[00:35:00] Speaker B: You know, so I have to go back.
[00:35:04] Speaker A: Let's go back to the book.
[00:35:07] Speaker B: No, no, to something you said earlier.
[00:35:10] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:35:11] Speaker B: That his family double checked him and was like, are you sure you want to do this? And I assume they would.
Meaning do you want to get married again.
[00:35:40] Speaker A: And to a gal on a wheelchair.
[00:35:42] Speaker B: Well, well, yeah. Okay. Well, thank you for cutting to the quick there, because that's what I was really getting to. Because people are, people are really selfish. They're noisy, they're rude, they can be, they give me inconsiderate people or people.
[00:36:12] Speaker A: You're like, your lighting just got really strange, by the way.
[00:36:16] Speaker B: Yeah, it, it did.
[00:36:19] Speaker A: I, I, yeah, there, it's coming back. It's, I think it's because you moved away from the camera.
[00:36:25] Speaker B: It just really yeah. There you go. I hardly ever do that. Thank you for double check, gp. You're welcome. So.
And of course, he handled that with grades and respect for Ned's.
[00:36:50] Speaker A: Yes, he did.
[00:36:52] Speaker B: What would you like hearing about those questions, those interactions from his family? On both points.
[00:37:11] Speaker A: I said, of course they did, because I questioned him repeatedly.
Are you sure?
By the way, today is probably the best day we're ever going to have because I have a progressive muscular dystrophy.
So every day after is a little bit slower, a little bit harder, a little bit more assistance required.
Are you sure?
Are you sure you're in for the long haul?
Are you sure? And don't take this wrong, but are you sure you're brave enough?
[00:38:09] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:38:10] Speaker A: Are you sure you're strong enough?
[00:38:16] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:38:17] Speaker A: Because if you question either one of those, we should stop.
Which is why.
[00:38:30] Speaker B: For being that gutsy, that honored that for rhyme.
[00:38:43] Speaker A: I've been alone for. Since I was 28. 29. My husband. My husband. I got divorced when I was 29.
[00:38:52] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:38:53] Speaker A: So I've been alone a long time because it's hard.
[00:38:59] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:38:59] Speaker A: It's hard to be me. It's hard to be with me, and I would rather be alone and. And then have someone think they're. Think they're in and then leave.
[00:39:13] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:39:14] Speaker A: And, you know, that's just how that is. And he said. And. And don't. Don't get me wrong, there was a lot of crying involved in the questions.
[00:39:25] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:39:26] Speaker A: On both. On both sides.
And so he's like, why would you ask such a thing?
You know, I told you, I'm here. How can you doubt me? And I said, you know, I. I'm. I just making sure.
[00:39:44] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:39:47] Speaker A: Because I had a really hard time believing.
I had a really hard time believing that he really meant what he said, because I had a lot of people who weren't so truthful.
[00:40:02] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:40:04] Speaker A: You know, either. Either through good intentions or bad. They just couldn't stick it out anyway, so. And I'm old, and there's no, you know, and. And. And I'm not 25 anymore. I'm not 35 anymore. You know, I see what my progression's like, you know, and. And don't get me wrong, like, I. We have care. I have caregivers.
I have hired caregivers.
We are get. We just. We're getting more equipment, you know, and those are just realities of. Okay. I don't need you to physically do everything. We'll hire people.
[00:40:48] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:40:49] Speaker A: And we'll just get more equipment. If you're you know, that'll save you.
[00:40:53] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:40:55] Speaker A: And so, you know, and we're looking at the point where when we travel, we're going to have to bring somebody with us just for the extra care. But that's just part of the reality. And if you can, you know, handle a third person, you know, in your relationship who's not really in your relationship, but around all the time, yo, you know, and so that ends up in the next book. Right? That's just.
[00:41:21] Speaker B: Yeah, but that's a very good point because if I may follow that to.
[00:41:31] Speaker A: The conclusion, this is your show, baby. You can do anything you want.
[00:41:36] Speaker B: Oh, thank you. Thank you.
If you can. Thank you. I'm not really double checked so much. So much.
I like you. You're fun.
So.
But if, if you can handle a third person being in our relationship, but not really in our relationship, there's not much you can't handle. Right. Because it, and that takes trots. That's a whole different level of trots, of love, of commitment.
Because it's not like you, you just have that other person around for, pardon the trades, sheds and giggles. No, they are a necessity.
[00:42:55] Speaker A: Right. And we actually hired a brand new care team and they started today. In fact, they're already here.
And Paul is doing the welcome to the house. Here's where the, here's where the laundry room is.
Meet the cat, meet the dog. This is where the broom is. You know, this is where the first aid is. This is how you run the shower lift. Like he's doing that stuff.
Well, you're doing the Genevieve while I'm doing this interview.
[00:43:33] Speaker B: Wow. Hats off to Paul for being a badass and quite romantic, I must say, in what you've told me, the book is.
And I felt I knew you through the book, which is a great read and everyone should read it, but should your candle out side of the book and talking about Paul and talking about the next book and just your humor and everything, your Uganda is very much a breath of fresh air.
And so I thank you for that in wrapping up. And I, I do hope you will come back and promote the next book. And.
[00:44:41] Speaker A: We would love that. And I will connect you to Paul so y'all can talk all about wine making and wine drinking and, and I, and I will tell you as a prep, as a teaser.
[00:44:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:44:52] Speaker A: The students in the wine program blend wines. They blind taste test and then they choose the one that gets bottled.
My husband is now an official winemaker with a bottled wine to his name. So y'all can talk all about That I will connect you to doc to Dr. Paul Kriseman who never uses his title.
[00:45:20] Speaker B: Really? Why? And what did she a doctor of?
[00:45:24] Speaker A: He has a PhD in communication interest.
[00:45:30] Speaker B: In the connection of going from PhD to.
Anyway, so that's another episode all together.
I have a feeling we'll be talking quite a lot few years. So in wrapping up this interview in case there are inspiring advocates or inspiring writers wanting to really write bare bones, bare knuckles honesty to the imp degree as you have done in your book, what would be some advice you would give them going forward?
[00:46:30] Speaker A: Sure. So what I want to say is understand that you're not everybody's cup of tea.
Don't write for other people and don't be afraid someone's always going to have negative things to say about you. But if you are honest in your experience, people are craving honest communication.
They're craving truth and not alternate facts but, you know, but real truth. Like what is your personal experience?
Because we live in an age of AI, Instagram filters.
[00:47:23] Speaker B: Snapchat, you know, and.
[00:47:26] Speaker A: All of that and you know to really.
But that leaves us feeling very empty and lonely. And so if you're are brave enough to share your. The, the guts of your story, people are, people can't help but respond, you know, and, and part of the laughs in the book, if I can help you laugh like we've laughed today. Yeah, people forget that makes the differences disappear.
[00:48:11] Speaker B: Amen.
[00:48:12] Speaker A: We were, we were just at a restaurant and sitting at the bar because it was easy. My chair elevates and I asked for a short beer.
Anyway, the way the bartender said we only have big beer, you know, we only have like 20 ounce beers here. It's go big or go home. And I looked right at her and I said, if I go big, I'm going to the ER because we're calling EMS when I drive off the curb.
She didn't hear it at first and the two guys next to us just started busting up and she's like, you did not say that. I was like, sure did.
You know, so you know, but, but be truthful. And it's rewarding to be able to speak your truth. Yeah, it's hard. It's scary. Don't be afraid.
It's. It's terrifying. It's literally terrifying. Like, did I really just tell people that story? Oh my gosh, I'm probably gonna throw up for the rest of my life. Every day, my thing about that.
But it's out there. It's okay. People are still talking to me.
My dad has said I don't want to read your book because I don't want to be sad and, you know, to be truthful, you know, there's stuff in there I'm sure my dad doesn't really want to know about. And I'm like, it's okay, dad.
It's okay. Yeah, you know, it's, it's not everybody's thing, but I've had a lot of able bodied people say, wow, you know, you really, really touched me in ways I didn't expect where I connected with your story in ways I didn't expect.
Everybody has, everybody has a story that's worth hearing.
[00:50:10] Speaker B: So I like to think that both advocates with disabilities and those who have yet to discover their disabilities listen and watch this program, this series.
But I'm not naive enough to thank that either group or groups within those groups take away the same things from every episode. Right. So as my guests, what do you hope that advocates with disabilities take away from the episode? What do you hope that those who have yet to discover our ingredients, their own disabilities take away from their.
[00:51:19] Speaker A: So people who are already advocates in the disability community, what I hope that they take away is speak up.
Your disability isn't scary to other people, but sharing your experience will help those without disabilities understand you and us better.
People who have yet to discover their disability.
And I was symptomatic for a long time without a label.
And I have a friend who was just labeled with adult add and I, you know, I'm probably in that set, but I just don't like labels all that much.
You know, it's okay if you end up embracing your disability, your label of disability, you're in good company.
It's not so terrible over here.
[00:52:19] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:52:20] Speaker A: And when the, when the economic resources, the people who hold the economic resources recognize that according to a statistic I just saw in misfit media that the disability community holds $13 trillion in spending power.
People are going to start paying attention to us.
[00:52:49] Speaker B: Yeah. They better show and.
[00:52:54] Speaker A: Yeah, and making us feel welcome will bring our dollars.
[00:53:00] Speaker B: So, Heather, if someone wants to find out more about your life, about your writings, about your photography, or maybe to send you a message, what is the best way to do that?
[00:53:19] Speaker A: Sure. So I'm on Instagram at Heather C. Markham.
My website is also Heather C. Markham. That's my photography website.
My. I'm sorry, that's my book website.
My photography website is just for the love dot com.
My Americans with Disability act consulting website, which is also the umbrella, is making waves for good.com and all of those have email links on them. You can just reach out to me and through any of those links.
[00:54:03] Speaker B: And.
[00:54:03] Speaker A: We'Ll talk again soon, I'm sure.
[00:54:05] Speaker B: Yet. Yet we will. We have so much more to talk about. Heather, I want to thank you so much for reaching out, for coming on, for writing this book.
It's just an amazing read. I can't wait to listen to the audiobook.
It's called Ruby Waters From Surviving to Thriving with a Progressive Muscle Dystrophy.
Heather, I want to thank you again for what I should say coming on, sharing so much of your page, your humor, your personal and professional, professional life and point of view. And I look forward to staying in touch and interviewing you and Paul, who I feel like I already know he's imagining.
[00:55:19] Speaker A: He's. He's got tons and tons of layers. You'll just. I think y'all will just hit it off and just have a great old time.
[00:55:25] Speaker B: Well, I look forward to that and thank you so much and I will be in touch soon, my friend. Take care.
[00:55:36] Speaker A: Thank you, Keith. I've enjoyed every single minute of it. We could talk for another few hours, I'm sure.
[00:55:42] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:55:43] Speaker A: This has been fantastic.
[00:55:48] Speaker B: Yeah, the run. You're welcome. The running joke that seeds and is. I have yet to find someone who will agree to do a five hour interview with Sign me up, baby.
[00:56:04] Speaker A: Right there.
[00:56:06] Speaker B: Done.
Take care, my friend. I'll see you again soon.
[00:56:14] Speaker A: Okay, thanks.
[00:56:15] Speaker B: Bye.
[00:56:15] Speaker A: Bye.
[00:56:25] Speaker B: You have been listening to Disability Empowerment. Now I would like to thank my guests. You are listener and the disability Empowerment team that made this episode possible.
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