Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:07] Speaker B: Welcome to Disability Empowerment now miniseries on dating with disabilities.
I'm your co host, Keith Murphy Dickinsini. I'm joined by, by my other co host Liv Morone and Andrew Gerda.
Guys, welcome to the first part of this multi part mini series.
How are you?
[00:00:44] Speaker C: I'm great. How are you, Keith?
[00:00:46] Speaker B: Fine.
[00:00:49] Speaker A: We'Re good. Yeah. I'm so glad to be here with you guys. This is going to be so exciting. I'm so excited.
[00:00:57] Speaker B: Said the un socialized kitten.
[00:01:02] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. We have to talk about. Yeah, we have to explain.
[00:01:06] Speaker B: I really.
Yeah, of course. We'll explain it in a second. I really feel that that should be the title of your next poetry collection.
[00:01:20] Speaker A: Yeah, we just knocked it out. Yeah. One last thing I have to decide later now. That's what it is now.
[00:01:28] Speaker B: So why don't you explain it?
[00:01:32] Speaker A: So I'm glad that we're giving me a chance to say this off the top and that way your, your listeners can, can tune out if, if this doesn't apply. When Keith called me to do this particular topic, the only reason that I said yes was because I love Keith and I love Andrew and I think that we're all together very funny and like we'll make something happen. But the idea of me specific about dating with a disability, I was like, I have all the social skills of an unsocialized feral kitten. Don't call me for this.
How do you date with a disability? It's like, oh, I've developed like a deep misandry and that's how I'm coping with it. You know, the answer really is I don't. So that's. Yeah. So I don't really know how much help I'm going to be with this particular topic, but I enjoy us. So let's do it. Let's. Let's make something happen.
[00:02:26] Speaker C: I guess I'll be honest too. I don't really date either. I mean I, I pay for. I pay to play. Really? Because I find.
[00:02:34] Speaker A: You know what? I gotta, I gotta write that down for bucket list goal in 2026. That, that's gonna be my. I love that article that you wrote about that about paying to play. That was, that was a great article.
[00:02:45] Speaker C: It's, you know, it's something that I've tried gating conventionally. I've gone on all the apps, I've tindered, I've grindered, I've done all the things you're supposed to do and I just find the ableism to be overwhelming and I just don't have the energy anymore to.
I'm 41 and I'm just like, I don't, I don't, I don't have the time to, to teach you. I don't have the time.
[00:03:11] Speaker A: This was, this would have been a really, really different episode if you had called me when I was like 23 or like, even, even 25. And now I'm 36. And the real fact of the matter is I'm tired.
And I'm like, I have, you know, we have cp, so we have less energy than able bodied people to start with. That's. That's already.
[00:03:32] Speaker C: They extend three to four times more energy.
[00:03:34] Speaker A: Yeah, we're expending three to four times more energy.
[00:03:37] Speaker C: Tired.
[00:03:37] Speaker A: I'm tired.
But also now I've been on birth control for many, many years and I'm a lot less horny, which is great because now I can actually think about other things. So, you know, this would have been a different episode maybe a decade ago. And now I'm just like, I'm in middle age. I don't know, I'm exhausted, I'm tired.
[00:03:53] Speaker C: And I mean, you know, I've reached a point in my dating life where, like, I don't want to. I don't want the games, I don't want to play. I just want you to come over, watch tv, blow me, and get out.
[00:04:04] Speaker A: Yeah, it's not fun to be stressed out. Like, I, like I.
I had my first relationship, my first really serious relationship when I was 22.
And that was an affair with a. With a married person who was.
So I went straight.
[00:04:23] Speaker C: Breaking news. Disabled people have affairs. Wow.
Breaking news.
[00:04:28] Speaker A: Yeah, Breaking news. And honestly, I'll be honest with you, I think that was a large part of why I did it. I was kind of like, what.
Keith.
[00:04:40] Speaker C: His face, as Liv is telling the.
[00:04:42] Speaker A: Story, is probably, you know, this is like fun and sneaky and like. Oh, you know, like, like it. It made it kind of more fun that it was. That it was like, not the right thing to be doing. And because I was, you know, 22, I was like, oh, no, I can totally control that. My emotions in the situation. Cut to a year later and I'm like, madly in love to the point of being suicidal because I've never been in love ever before. So my whole brain is just taken up and I'm like, this is garbage. This is not fun anymore.
[00:05:14] Speaker B: How old would this person.
[00:05:20] Speaker A: If I was 22?
They were in their 50s. I forget exactly how old they were. Yeah, in the. Yeah, it was, it was.
[00:05:30] Speaker C: Wait a Minute, wait a minute. So you were basically a Taylor Swift song.
[00:05:33] Speaker A: Yeah, I, I felt so, like cool and hip hop and like, oh, yeah, this is totally gonna be like a fun. Like I'm gonna have complete control over this situation. It's like, no, you have the emotional maturity of a 17 year old. What are you doing?
[00:05:50] Speaker C: No, I'm 41 and I still have the emotional maturity of a 17 year old.
[00:05:56] Speaker A: If I could go back and just shake that poor little 22 year old girl and be like, don't do this. You're gonna destroy your life. You're gonna destroy your relationship with your family. Like, please don't do this. It's not gonna be as much fun as you think it'.
Please.
[00:06:11] Speaker C: Slept with a couple guys in their 50s when I was 22. And I remember being like, you're not to be ageist and we shouldn't be ages. And I get that. But at the time I was like, you're so much older than I am. What are we? What's going on?
[00:06:23] Speaker A: And now I'm. Now I'm kind of on the opposite end of it too. Like, I recently was dating somebody and I found out, like, we were kind of chatting back and forth and I found out that they were 23 and it was really hard not to break up with them, like right now.
[00:06:39] Speaker C: I, I slept with somebody a few weeks ago and they were very nice and kind, but he told me as we're walking, as we were done, I was walking him back to the bus, he was like, I'm 20, I just turned 30. And I was like, I don't think we can, like, I don't think J is so.
[00:06:53] Speaker A: I don't know.
[00:06:54] Speaker C: I don't think that I'll see you again because one week.
[00:06:57] Speaker A: Why? Like it. For me, it's more of like. And you'd be surprised how much this plays into it. For me it's more of like a pop culture thing and like a frame of reference thing.
[00:07:08] Speaker C: Like if you like back up and say who we are, I feel like.
[00:07:11] Speaker A: We just jumped right, we just jumped right into a conversation. Yeah, Yeah.
[00:07:14] Speaker B: I love that I don't have to talk at all.
[00:07:21] Speaker C: Maybe I could just go off.
[00:07:22] Speaker A: No, you don't. You don't.
Keith is going to kick back for the next five episodes.
[00:07:28] Speaker C: Yeah, totally. Great.
[00:07:31] Speaker B: So I'm Keith Mavi De Ginsini. I run the main pod that you're currently lynching to Disability empowerment.
Now, I'm from New York City originally.
[00:07:51] Speaker C: But, oh, no, we couldn't tell Keith, your accent.
Your accent didn't give it away, even though.
[00:07:55] Speaker A: Yeah, no, mine is going to give it away.
[00:07:58] Speaker B: Well, I'm currently in my home outfit in Tucson, Arizona.
[00:08:07] Speaker C: Hello, my name is Andrew Girza. I am the author of the new book Notes from a Queer how to Cultivate Queer Disabled Joy and Be Hot While Doing it. And also the host of the award winning podcast Disability After Dark that started out as a sexy podcast and now is just an everything disability podcast. And so when I got asked to do this, I was really excited because usually when I do it for my own stuff, I do it by myself or with one guest and it's nice to have other people to bounce off of. So I'm really excited to be here. And I have CP and I'm a wheelchair user and I live in Toronto, Canada.
[00:08:44] Speaker A: Hey, what's up everybody? I'm Liv Mamon. My pronouns are she and her. I am the author of the recent poetry collection Fire in the Waiting Room from Game Over Books and I do not have a podcast because I don't have the energy to produce.
[00:08:59] Speaker C: Yes, you do. You're on it right now. This is.
[00:09:01] Speaker A: But I'm on it right now. So I come on other people's podcasts and, and mooch off of whatever they're doing. So yeah, I'm really, really excited. Obviously, we're really excited to be here because we just jumped into talking about our sex lives and I think we.
[00:09:12] Speaker C: All of us have cp. All of us have cp, right?
[00:09:15] Speaker A: Yes, we all have cp.
[00:09:16] Speaker B: That was by design cerebral palsy for those who don't know.
[00:09:25] Speaker A: And the sexiest of all the palsies.
[00:09:28] Speaker C: It really is.
And I've always said that. I've always said that it really is.
[00:09:33] Speaker B: And at this point I don't know how our listeners of viewers can not know what cerebral palsy is. But just in case anyone doesn't know, it's neurological movement disability that you either get from ages 023 or you don't get it. You can't acquire it later in life and it's non transferable.
[00:10:11] Speaker C: Actually, if you make out with one of us, we will transfer it to you.
[00:10:14] Speaker A: Yeah, you know what? One time I, I had Reiki done. Has anyone in here ever had. Had break.
[00:10:19] Speaker C: Okay. I had a woman when I was like 12 come up to my mom and I went on vacation and be like, listen, can I put my hands on your son? And my mom was like, no, no.
Goodbye.
[00:10:29] Speaker A: That could mean so many things because I've had that same interaction. But it's, you know, in a Grocery store about a face healing. It's not the same. It's kind of a different denomination, but yeah, I, I had a Reiki done and for about an hour. My friend who did it for me walked around with my limp for like 45 minutes. So you can, I think, transfer it if you are doing healing on someone. I've seen it happen. I can't speak for getting it through kissing.
[00:10:56] Speaker C: And if you make out with somebody with cp, we'll take one of your lives. Yeah, it makes us stronger. Just so you know, we're sort of like the disabled energy vampires of the disability world. So just, you know, kiss us with caution. Thank you.
[00:11:09] Speaker A: Thank you. It's because we're so tired. We have to.
[00:11:12] Speaker C: Yeah, we really. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, we're succubi. We just have to. Yeah, yeah, that's right.
[00:11:18] Speaker A: And I mean for me it's twice as bad because I'm also bisexual. So, you know, bisexuals can't be trusted.
[00:11:22] Speaker C: Oh, wow. No, no, no, no, no.
Like sneaky by people, man. Wow.
[00:11:29] Speaker A: Sneaky by people. So it's worse.
[00:11:32] Speaker C: Keith's face as we're talking is my favorite thing in the universe.
[00:11:35] Speaker A: I actually keep forgetting that Keith is heterosexual. Like, I'm like, oh, yeah, right. This is.
[00:11:42] Speaker C: Well.
[00:11:50] Speaker A: I have to explain what unicorn hunting is for some reason.
[00:11:57] Speaker C: Listen, I love me unicorn.
[00:12:00] Speaker A: Me too. I do too.
[00:12:02] Speaker C: I had good times within my 20s.
[00:12:04] Speaker B: So you have some, a lot of explaining to do.
[00:12:13] Speaker A: Yeah, let me get out my PowerPoint. Yeah. So, yeah, getting back to my story about my relationship. So, yeah, I, that was my first relationship. I went from like 0 to 200 and, and like, because I think, and I think that maybe this will resonate with some of your listeners. I think that there is an element of emotional immaturity to being disabled. You, you do some things really, really early and you have some experiences way earlier than your peers and then you have some experiences just way later. And so I, I went into that relationship fully in adolescent. Like, I, like, I really had the emotions of a 15 year old going through that relationship.
[00:12:50] Speaker C: If a 41 year old man said to me, I want to date you today, I would turn into a 17 year old girl and be like, I.
[00:12:55] Speaker A: Don'T know, immediately, immediately, like that. I'm still like that. I mean, like, to be, to be fair, I've been like that my whole life. It's just becoming a little bit less of a felony every year. Like, I still am really into older people.
It's now just less.
The gap is Just closing.
[00:13:15] Speaker C: I will love to see how Keith edits that old part of the.
[00:13:20] Speaker A: A little bit less of an issue. Walton Goggins is 53 and I'm 36.
[00:13:26] Speaker C: We've all seen registered gemstones.
We've seen.
[00:13:31] Speaker B: So, Liv, one, why do you keep forgetting I'm heterosexual?
And two, what's a unicorn? For those of our listeners of your who don't know?
[00:13:50] Speaker A: So I keep forgetting that you're heterosexual because I think at this point, I can count on my hand the number of straight friends that I have. Like, I, I don't. I didn't mean to weed them all out. They're just not there. And so the couple of them that are left, I'm like, oh, that's right, they're not bi. Like, like, I just, I, I'm like the opposite of a, of a homophobe. I just kind of think, oh, you're queer. You just haven't met the right person. Like, you'll find them. They're out there for you if you, if you.
[00:14:17] Speaker C: And they might be out there. You never know.
[00:14:20] Speaker A: You never.
Yeah, so I, I literally 20, 25. I think it's. I think I literally have like five straight friends. And of course I'm in love with one of them unrequitedly. So of course that, that you know, that nothing's changed.
A unicorn, to your second question, is a bisexual person, and then a unicorn hunter is a straight couple that is looking for a bicycle person in order.
[00:14:46] Speaker C: To have a 370. Let me clarify what I said five minutes ago. I was not even 100, but I definitely slept with some bisexual dudes and it was a good time.
[00:14:54] Speaker A: Oh, send me a bisexual dude, please.
[00:14:57] Speaker C: Bisexual dudes are more fun than gay dudes.
They're way more fun because.
Because they're a little bit less bitchy.
[00:15:07] Speaker A: Just. Yeah, not to make a sweeping generalization.
[00:15:09] Speaker C: Yeah, not that, not that I'm sweet. Not that I make you sleeping generalization.
[00:15:14] Speaker A: Not to make a sweeping generalization, Andrew, but I wake up every day and look at your social media and I'm so grateful that I'm not a gay CIS man. I'm. I'm just like, oh, my God, they're so, like, image oriented. Like, it's wild. So to be disabled in, like, that particular.
[00:15:32] Speaker C: To be disabled and want another dude is the bane of my existence.
[00:15:35] Speaker A: I really, as it is, I already feel like liking CIS men, for me, is a design flaw. If I only had to like CIS men. That chaos, I can't even imagine.
[00:15:46] Speaker C: But, but dental. Oh, why is my dental calling me when I totally put the phone on do not disturb? Hold on, I'm not gonna answer that. They can leave a message. Okay, cool.
[00:15:58] Speaker A: Podcasting, Pull into reality tv. We're all just kind of hanging out. It's fun.
[00:16:03] Speaker B: I love how I managed to get free different people with three different sexualities that have all of the same disability.
[00:16:21] Speaker A: I love that for us.
[00:16:22] Speaker B: I can't believe my luck.
[00:16:26] Speaker A: I remember when I first came out as bi, somebody said to me, well, now twice as many people are just not going to want to sleep with you because you're disabled. And I'm like, yeah, that. That pretty much. That's. That's kind of how it took out.
They weren't wrong about it.
[00:16:39] Speaker C: Do we want to talk about, like, are the worst questions people have asked us about dating?
[00:16:44] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah, let's do that.
[00:16:48] Speaker C: Okay. Liv, what's the worst thing about dating?
[00:16:52] Speaker A: Okay, what's the worst thing that somebody's asking me about? It's not the worst thing. I just didn't know how to answer it.
Another disabled person asked me, because they live with their family and I also live with my family, how do I start masturbating?
And I was like, fair. I. I love that question for you, and I love that you trust me enough to ask that question. But, like, I would need to know so much more about you to answer that question. Like.
[00:17:21] Speaker C: Like an out of the blue question.
[00:17:23] Speaker A: Like, yeah, I. I don't know.
It was like a DM on social media. It was like somebody who had read my poems and was like, hey. And they were. And they were like 19. And I was like, oh, honey. Like, I, Like, I was so, like, I felt so, so honored in that moment, but was also like, you're really gonna have to break down for me. Like, yeah, you're really gonna have to, like, draw me a map. And I'll do my best for you.
I don't know what I'm. That. That was pretty bad. And then, of course, there's the. The old classic, do you have sex? Which is the. The old. The old chestnut. We love it. We get it. I get it.
[00:18:02] Speaker C: My name, Indiegoogle. You can pretty. You can see pretty much anywhere that I've had lots of stuff. Sex. Type my name into Google. I'm pretty sure there's naked photos of me everywhere. Just look hard enough and you can see that I've had sex with somebody. So, like, when people ask me that question, I'm like, and if I hadn't, would I be any Less valuable.
[00:18:19] Speaker A: That. Oh, that's a good. Ooh, yeah, let's. Let's bring our ace brethren into the chat. If you haven't, you are not less valuable.
[00:18:27] Speaker C: Like, if I don't want to, would I be any less important?
[00:18:30] Speaker A: Like, I love that, Andrew. I love that. That's so good.
[00:18:34] Speaker C: Because as I get older, like, yes, I like to dig down.
I like to dig down.
[00:18:39] Speaker A: In my 20s, I used to say, why don't you come over here and let's find out?
[00:18:42] Speaker C: Amazing.
[00:18:43] Speaker A: I mean, I. I was just so. Just like.
Like, you want to try? Let's try. Like, just. Yeah, it was. Yeah.
[00:18:50] Speaker C: Because, I mean, one of the first things I'll ask a new sex worker is like, hey, you ever been with a disabled guy? And if they say no, they say yes, I get disappointed. And if they say no, I'm like, ooh, a new one to teach the things to.
[00:19:02] Speaker A: I get to break this one in. Yeah.
[00:19:06] Speaker C: The worst things that I've been asked. Well, not asked, but told. I had a guy, went and did my Last official date, November 2023. He met a guy in the apps, and he was visiting town from the UK for something. And he was. He was from Canada, but had moved to the UK and was coming back for something.
And we'd been chatting for, like, a week. Everything was going well.
The day was. The date was nice. We. We, like, had coffee, and I said, oh, if coffee goes well, like, give me the. Give me a signal and we'll go back to my house. So that he gave me the signal, went back to my place. We were gonna, like, get down. And he walked to my house and he saw my stuff, my lift in my wheelchair and all my things.
His face went white, and he was like, I don't think I can do this.
And I was like, cool.
And so then he, like, turned around on his heel and left.
And I kind of. I let him go, obviously, because it's like, all right, fine, Right?
[00:20:05] Speaker A: Like, what are you gonna do? Like, make a thing out of it?
[00:20:07] Speaker C: And then he. WhatsApp voiced me after and was like, it's. It wasn't me. It's my stuff. It wasn't you. It's my stuff I gotta deal with. And I was like, yeah, but you still put me through that whole rigamarole of your discomfort. Like, I don't have time for that.
[00:20:21] Speaker A: Yeah, no, I've gotten the. It's not you. It's me quite a bit, too. I. I had a. Someone who I was dating and who we. We dated for Like a little bit too. Like, we dated for like a couple of weeks and then he. They found out that I had never had sex and they didn't want to be the first one to, to take my virginity. And they got all weird about it and they were like, I don't wanna. I don't want to do this. And I was like, and, and they were. And it was interesting because it was. For them it was like a non ableist loophole. Like they kept being like, well, it's not because you're disabled. I'm like, why do you think I haven't had sex yet at 30? You know, that's the reason. There's no other reason, you know, like, so that I've gotten the. It's not you, it's me. I love for that dude, Andrew. That it was the, the machinery that did it.
[00:21:06] Speaker C: Like, which is so weird because I.
[00:21:08] Speaker A: Was just so weird.
[00:21:10] Speaker C: You would just get me in bed. You'd see that my other machinery works. It's fine.
[00:21:14] Speaker A: Honestly. It's like, okay, you did the whole date. You did. You saw the wheelchair. Like, not like I would understand this because, you know, we've all had this happen too, where it's like they take a look at you and they see you physically and they bolt in the other direction like that I can kind of like, okay, you maybe didn't understand like the image that was going to come toward you, but to get all the way back to your house, it's like, okay, what changed between here and five blocks away? Like, I don't know, like bonkers people are just crazy bonkers. Not that you should have sex with anybody that you don't want to, but like, public transit's real tough for disabled people. You could at least tell me in the restaurant and that way I wouldn't have to like, you know, figure out how I was getting back. You know what I mean?
[00:21:57] Speaker C: Right. Yeah, exactly.
[00:22:02] Speaker B: Dodge it.
[00:22:03] Speaker A: Work.
[00:22:09] Speaker C: Well, not for. Not for you. Not for you.
[00:22:11] Speaker A: Not for you. If you have to ask, you'll never know. Yeah, yeah.
[00:22:17] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:22:18] Speaker C: Like, not for you.
[00:22:19] Speaker A: I actually, I didn't know if we wanted to do this on the first episode, but the. But the worst thing that ever was said to me on a date was, is actually a poem in my book. So I was like, do I just read the poem or do I tell the story? Or like, what's the. Like, how do we want to.
[00:22:35] Speaker B: There are no rules.
I'm still freaking out inside that the third big relationship you had is a affair and that.
I mean, we could do a whole mini hawk on judge the ups and downs of being with forbidden fruit.
[00:23:04] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:23:06] Speaker B: Time out.
[00:23:07] Speaker A: And it was, it was rough. It was not cute. Like, I thought it was going to be cute and sexy, and it really wasn't. And, like, and I want to say this because I really hope that my ex does not contact me. It does not somehow listen to this interview and then, and then contact me for talking about them. I, I, I genuinely.
We were just people that were at different places in each other's lives. And I really should have just done the math on that and been like, yeah, we're gonna be. You know, this is what we started saying about the age difference before. It's like, you're just at a different space in your life. And, and those spaces were just not, like, they just weren't aligning. And we couldn't give each other what we wanted because we just wanted completely different things.
And, and like, it got to a point for me where I just was so deeply in love. Have you ever to break up because you are so in love, you have to break up with that. That was a thing that I didn't know could happen. Like, I thought that the only reason you break up is because you don't want to be with the person. We actually had to break up because I wanted to be with her so bad that I was just like, I'm gonna ruin my life if I don't leave this relationship. I'm gonna destroy everything else in my life to try to make this happen, and it's never going to happen. And so that, you know. So, like, when I, when I talk about this relationship, I don't want it to seem like this person, because I really don't feel that way to this day. If I, like, ran into her in the street, I probably would be with her right now. Like, like, I really, I had to cut contact because I was just like, everything you say just makes me want to go do it all over again. Like, I. And that's not on her, that's on me. And I, I, at a certain point was just like, nobody's coming to save you from this. Like, she is not going to help you have a better life, but so you just have to leave and, like, hope that one day she understands that you didn't mean to absolutely destroy her. It was just a question of, like, it's this or I'm gonna die. Like, like, it's this or I'm genuinely gonna harm myself.
I have to go.
[00:25:23] Speaker C: I think it's also that also trigger warning for harm. Hey, yeah.
Whoa.
And trigger warning for earlier for suicidality also. Whoa. Whoa.
[00:25:36] Speaker A: Yeah. Sorry about that, y'.
[00:25:37] Speaker C: All.
But, you know, it's funny because I think. I don't think a lot of people with CP especially, and I can certainly vouch for this, a lot of us with CP or more visibly noticeable disabilities, and not all CP is as noticeable as the other. For instance, if I didn't know that Keith had CP in looking at Keith, I wouldn't know yet cp.
If I looked to live and I didn't know you had cp, I wouldn't know you had cp.
But, you know, a lot of us aren't given a handbook on how to date appropriately or how to manage big feelings when someone shows interest in us, especially because typically no one shows interest in us. So when they do, we get really excited. And I have had to deal with sex workers who have lovingly said, like, I love spending time with you, but I need to, like, gently remind you we're not in a. We're not in a typical relationship, a transactional thing we're doing. And, like, I love talking to you and texting and all those things. But, like, I have a life outside of you, and I need to. I need to be allowed to have that. And so, like, I had to be gently nudged in those directions because I've. I never had somebody who wanted to come back or who wanted to spend more time with me just because.
And so I don't think we give disabled people who have never dated or never been given the chance to experience big emotions like that enough of a chance to be like, whoa, this is really new for me. How do I navigate this so I don't intentionally scare that person away or do something inappropriate that I didn't realize I was doing? Like, I remember when I first started seeing, like, a sex worker that wanted to come back. I remember. And I don't know why my camera's doing that, so. Sorry, My zoom is fucking weird.
But I remember when I first had a sex worker that wanted to come back. I was like, okay, I wanna. I wanna try this and I wanna try this, and I wanna do all these things. And he was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like, what are you expecting to happen in one session? That's a lot of things to want to do. And it was because I was so excited that somebody wanted to come back and wanted to spend more time. Of course, I had to be reminded that, yes, he wanted to do that, but also, I was paying him. So he really wanted to do that because he was being paid, which I think is awesome. But also, like, it was a big thing for me and a big emotional thing that, oh my God, somebody wanted to. Because I, in college I only had one night stands. Really crappy, like non committal, never anything more, one night stands that didn't go anywhere. And so when somebody actually wanted to spend a prolonged time with me, I, I was like, I, I want to try everything because if I don't, then you'll leave and you'll disappear. And so I had, I had to like, be really firmly but gently told by, by a few sex workers, like, I love spending time with you, but this is the reality of what we're doing. And it's okay that you have big feelings, but, but there needs to be a boundary there.
[00:28:53] Speaker A: God bless. Because like, another thing too, with, with being disabled, with being the kind of disabled, the kind of way that the Venn diagram over loops for, for all of us is like, what are boundaries? You know what I mean? Like, we don't get to assert even our boundaries often with the people in our life.
We don't get to have the same boundaries as other people. So we don't even maybe learn how to do that correctly.
[00:29:20] Speaker C: Well, when we're younger, when we're young kids with cp, we don't learn that it's not okay to touch somebody because when we're kids, everyone is touching us all the time.
[00:29:28] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:29:29] Speaker C: Nurses, OTs, PTs, they're always touching us. They're never asking, is it okay if I touch you? They're just touching you. And so like we learned that, we learned that there is no boundary. There is no, there doesn't need to be one because we've never had them or we're never given the chance to. You're right, Liv. Never given the chance to really assert them, especially when it comes to sexuality. Which is why I think, unfortunately for a lot of us, many of us, I mean, you know, the stat is like, disabled women are abused and assaulted seven to nine times higher than the average woman. Because. And I think that's because of the fact that no one's talking to us about consent. No one's talking to us about how consent is different when you're disabled. No one is talking to us. But like, they either don't think we're sexual at all or they think we're allowed to be hypersexual. And therefore that sets us up to be abused. And so like, I don't know where I was going with This. I went off on a huge tangent there.
[00:30:30] Speaker A: I can, I can pick up the. Pick up the baton if you want.
[00:30:33] Speaker C: Yeah, please.
[00:30:34] Speaker A: I'm really good.
So I.
Before I figured out that I was queer, the only times that I have been sexually assaulted or even like harassed have been my other disabled CIS men.
And that's really challenging because you don't want to.
How do I put this? Like, I always really want to be aware of what they have learned and not learned trying to be in this society. Right. And. And you don't want to like, let anybody off the hook for. For doing harm to you. But at the same time, it's like, man, that, that's gotta be. You gotta get some messages that are just really hideous about.
[00:31:22] Speaker C: I mean, Keith is the straight person in the room. Do you want to tell us the messages you received?
[00:31:27] Speaker A: Yeah. Really?
[00:31:28] Speaker C: To see a guy speaking for your people.
[00:31:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:31:33] Speaker B: Oh, thanks.
Putting me on the spot here. Are you talking about the messages I receive now or as a young.
[00:31:46] Speaker C: I mean, now or then? Like what. When you were coming up, what did you. What did. Like, how did. How were you perceived as a man? As man?
[00:31:56] Speaker B: Oh, that. Gigi, I wasn't perceived like that at all. And certainly not dateable by any stretch of the imagination.
My third relationship was when I was five.
Yeah, I'll say that again. My third relationship was when I was five.
[00:32:27] Speaker C: Okay, I'm listening.
Listening.
[00:32:30] Speaker B: Puppy love. Of course. Of course she would sex.
I usually make the crack that. This is why I like older women.
[00:32:43] Speaker C: And listen, when you're five and she's six, it's a huge chasm.
[00:32:46] Speaker A: That's a big gap.
[00:32:49] Speaker B: That's a huge.
[00:32:50] Speaker C: That's like 20 and 30. That's a big. That's a big.
[00:32:54] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, totally. No, that would. Before I started speaking and I had abbreviated sign language, that was the only time I was really popular. But besides that, which was nothing more than puppy love and unawareness, I mean, how could you be aware at that age?
[00:33:25] Speaker A: I.
[00:33:27] Speaker D: Teenage.
[00:33:28] Speaker B: And puberty was a spiritual kind of hell.
And you throw in anger at Judes and being a guy and it was just a mine filled of fuckery.
College wasn't any better.
I'm skipping around a lot, trying to get to the juicy stuff like my co hosts have.
And it's like.
So being perceived as a man, as a dateable man has only become a very recent development.
I'm in my 40s.
I look like I've had people at my church and I go to church on campus here. I've had Regular remarks that I look like I'm still in my early 20s, which is fantastic.
But then cool.
[00:35:04] Speaker C: I wish I look like that, man.
[00:35:06] Speaker B: I feel like reminded that my bones are old.
[00:35:12] Speaker A: Oh yeah.
Not my knees. Yeah, that's for sure.
[00:35:15] Speaker B: And then my voice doesn't help matters if I don't have facial help. People still think I'm 18 and I just graduated high school and I'm like, no, that was back in 2004. Thank you.
[00:35:37] Speaker A: I want to do like some scientific research about the correlation between cerebral palsy and looking younger than you are. Like, because you gotta, you gotta know that like some of it is infantilization. Sure.
But like, I definitely still look like an 18 year old girl. Like I, I just turned 36 and somebody who doesn't know me well was like, no, the way I legitimately thought that you were 21. And I was like. And it's not like, some of it I'm sure is infantilization, but not from like, you know, my friends. I, I do genuinely look like a younger person.
Which is again like, like Keith was saying, it's gonna be great when I hit my 40s. But you know, like, I, I'm. It is a thing that physically does happen. And I'm like, is that like a developmental thing? Like there, there's a part of me that is like, can we get like some studies getting done on this or like, I'd like to know what's happening.
[00:36:32] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean it, it's like if you take away the first six, six and a half years, I didn't acquire my voice until seven.
So I call that the longest startup period in the history of humanity. I'm really in my early 30s. Of course you can't say that because I was born in 1984.
And so I basically came out of a George Orwell novel.
Yeah, that's why I'm cynical as.
But then, I mean, the emoji, emotional maturity. I had a good friend of mine say, you're probably elite, 10 years behind your physical age. And I'm like, oh, that still means I'm in my early 30s, which I don't know how you quantify that.
Good jeans.
But I never really get asked out.
It's always clothes but no cigar. We go on one date and then it fiddles the out. And I'm like, I put so much effort in to like okay, Cupid or Facebook dating. And I'm like, this is exhausting.
[00:38:35] Speaker A: It's the worst. Yeah.
[00:38:36] Speaker B: No crack ad of trend a few weeks ago where I'm like looking to pull people fils. It's like looking through Pokemon cards.
You want to get Jamal, but you're not going to at all.
And it's like. Then it's like you confet that you have.
[00:39:11] Speaker A: Right? Do you tell them right off the bat? That's always a big thing.
[00:39:14] Speaker C: Not.
[00:39:18] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:39:18] Speaker C: On my profiles, I'm pretty blunt. I think my Scruff and Grinder profile says big dick cripple. I'm pretty. Like, I don't. There's no. I don't hide it. I just lay.
[00:39:29] Speaker A: No, no.
[00:39:30] Speaker C: Because I don't have the time to.
I don't have the time, like, you know, because I know. I know we all have a normal lifespan, but I've been told since I was like, five that I was young. Know that my life plan may be cut short. So we don't. I don't have time to play for you to play with your crap. Either you're going to be comfortable with my disability or you're not. And that's okay.
And I'll walk you through as best I can.
But when shit's getting down, if you're not comfortable, I don't need you here.
[00:40:02] Speaker A: My deal is, like, you're going to dump me after one date. Whether I tell you or I don't tell you. Like, like the. Whether I disclose it or I don't. Usually we get to. We get to one date, maybe two, and then. And then the person is like, I don't think I can do this. And I'm just like, yeah, not that. Okay, the door.
[00:40:16] Speaker C: And, you know, it's because I think, especially for queer men, it's the bane of my existence that I like queer men. But here we are.
I think that, you know, it requires you to be selfless. And a lot of us.
[00:40:32] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
[00:40:33] Speaker C: In the room right now, I think all of us in the room right now require a level of care that I don't think people are ready to provide.
We need support that I don't think people understand.
And it's not just caregiving. It's not just a carer. It's. We need somebody who. If I go on a date with you, I'm probably going to need you to shove the food in my mouth. They go on a date with you, I'm probably going to need you to, like, kind of give me caregiving a little bit. And I think because we're in such a quote unquote independent world.
Yeah, I'm not independent, and I'll never be independent. And that's I'm not saying that to disparage myself. I'm saying that because it's true. Never gonna be independent. And that's okay. I think when you bring that to a dating. A dating scenario where it's all about you first and you're supposed to be the most independent person in the room and blah, blah, blah, that scares people away because it means they have to be selfless. They have to give a little bit of themselves over, and people are not ready to do that.
[00:41:32] Speaker B: Yeah. So I was on phone date 12, 13 years ago.
[00:41:41] Speaker A: Those are the two most cursed words I think I've ever heard together in my phone date. Oh, no, no, no.
[00:41:48] Speaker C: But why wait?
[00:41:50] Speaker B: It gets so much better.
Yeah.
So we have the bondage, and then the day after, I'm texting her, because that's normal.
And she said, and she was really into my profile and how I look, and she said, I expected Joe Voids to be as handsome as your picture.
[00:42:33] Speaker C: Oh, are you kidding me?
[00:42:37] Speaker A: Yikes. Oh, oh.
[00:42:40] Speaker C: Swipe left, swipe left.
[00:42:43] Speaker B: I'm. I'm still trying to figure out if that's a compliment or not because it's so hilarious.
But, yeah, it's like.
Yeah, it's like one or two dates and it's over.
I only dated people with disabilities, and that was not by design at all.
It took me a decade plus to finally be comfortable with that because I'm like, the skills I used was.
I don't even know the ins and outs of my disability.
How can I take on someone else's.
[00:43:55] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, that's done.
Yeah.
[00:43:58] Speaker B: Very easily. It. It turns out I had on verge date.
The date bet friend threatened me. If I hurt her, she would fucking kill me.
And then my date showed me her medication list, and I'm like, okay, so we're doing this. I mean, that's.
That's a level of intimacy that I did not expect.
I was actually intrigued where this would go.
But, yeah, I mean, we're going wrong. These episodes are gonna be wrong.
[00:45:04] Speaker A: Yeah. I don't. I don't envy you the task of editing this down, but that was actually what I was gonna say, Keith. The idea of I would really have to unpack a lot of my own internalized ableism double quick. Like, I would really have to be working on myself in a big way. If I went out on a date and somebody was brave enough to, like, unfurl the scroll of their meds, I'd be, like, horrified. I feel I would be so, like, that's so vulnerable. And like, that's not a them problem. That's being like, oh my God, are we doing this right now? Like, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. I would have to really.
I, I'm trying to think of like, what the breakdown is versus like my, my able partner partners versus my disabled partners. Because it's like the, the interesting crossover is I, I've only dated, I think, two people who were physically disabled, but most of my partners have been neurodivergent or mentally disabled, mentally ill in some way. And so I would count that as like a different kind of disability. You know, like we're, you know, you're, you're dealing with various things and that's taught me a ton about like, vulnerability and that that's one of the things that, that for me makes dating very, very challenging. You have to be vulnerable. And I don't think just disabled people, but I think more so disabled people need to be vulnerable.
[00:46:26] Speaker C: Like, we go like, much like we did with this podcast episode, we go deep in quick.
[00:46:30] Speaker A: Like, we go deep in. Yeah, we go deep.
Yeah. That definitely is something that I've had to like. Especially when you're queer and especially when you're non binary, we're all just walking around just traumatized. So like your, your second date is like, here's all my stuff with my parents. You know what I mean? And that's, and that's just very normal in the queer community. And for me, that was, that was a big learning curve that was like, like, do, do we gotta do this? Do we gotta like, be in love enough to like, move in together? One of my ex girlfriends on the fourth date was talking about moving in together and getting a dog, and I was like, not what? Like, I'm sorry, what? And so it's taken me a long time to kind of walk the line between like, my internalized ableism and the work that I'm doing on like, what Andrew was saying about that, like, hyper individualized attitude and that, like hyper independent. Like, no, I've got to do everything myself where it doesn't count, that that runs counterintuitive to dating and forming relationships. So I really had to like, shake a lot of that stuff in order to like, be a good partner for me.
[00:47:36] Speaker C: That's why I love sex work, because for two hours when I book them, I can have the boyfriend experience. They can treat me as if we're boyfriends, and they can do all of the stuff that makes you feel like you're their partner. And then after two hours and they leave.
[00:47:52] Speaker A: That sounds Great. Honestly.
[00:47:55] Speaker C: Honestly, let's be honest. After two hours, they're kind of annoying, and you're kind of annoyed by them. And so you say, thank you very much, and they leave. And I have found it to be the relationship I have with my primary sex worker. We've been seeing each other now for eight years almost. And it's really, really nice because sometimes I'll just say, come over. Let's watch a movie and hold my hand for the movie, or, like, cuddle me, or, like, let's have a sleepover and you can literally watch Bob's Burgers with me and fall asleep. Like, I don't like, for me, it's so much more than just fuck me and leave. It's like, I want to build a friendship with this person.
And as I get older, like when I was younger, it's like, oh, my dick works. I'm totally viable. Like, I'm worthy and I'm available, blah, blah, blah. But as I get older and I, you know, crest into almost 42. Shit.
But as I. As I get older, like, I.
I want that intimacy. I want that vulnerability. Like, there's one sex worker that I see who constantly tells me, your vulnerability is hot. It turns me on. I like it, though. And I like it when you tell me stuff. I like it when you check in. I like it when you.
I like it.
[00:49:09] Speaker A: See, Andrew, you. You just said the phrase, your vulnerability is hot, and something in me constricted, like, something in my body. Oh, nope, nope, nope. Like, I. I'm gonna have to unpack that with my therapist next week because I really had, like, a really hard, like, physical response that. Because if anybody looked me in the eyes and said that, I would turn to dust, just completely in the eyes.
[00:49:36] Speaker C: Said that, and then gave me a hickey.
[00:49:37] Speaker A: So that's. That's so amazing and emotional and romantic and. Yeah, I. And I know I still have work to do on myself because I just felt like I was gonna throw up. Like, I just was like, nope, I'm not doing that. You know, So a lot of it is, yeah, I'm in a real. I'm in a relationship with myself in a big way way.
So I'm still working on a lot of. Of my own intimacy issues when I.
[00:50:01] Speaker C: When I. Because, you know, we live in a world where people with disabilities can't get married, just in case you all forgot.
[00:50:07] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
[00:50:08] Speaker C: People with disabilities who live on social assistance of any kind can't get married, cohabitate, or move in with the partner because then we Lose our benefits. So my plan when I hit 45, is to literally marry myself and have them and have a wedding.
Have a party with all my friends and the group. The other groom is whoever. But I'm gonna basically have a party that is my wedding, because I can't really have one. So I'm gonna play with that.
[00:50:37] Speaker A: I love that. I want to have a. Marry myself and have a party. I was. I was thinking a lot about emotionally, like, the relationship that I'm in with myself and how important I think that is, but to actually, like, celebrate it and externalize it and, like, make it a thing that people in your life have to recognize. That's an awesome idea, actually. And now I want to do it.
[00:50:55] Speaker C: To just play with it. And it. It screams in the face of marriage equality to be like, well, if you won't let me marry someone else, I'm gonna marry myself. Deal with it.
[00:51:04] Speaker A: I mean, we all have that friend that we've talked about marrying for the tax break. Right? Like, I know me and my best friend have definitely discussed, like, I. If we could get married, we would, because we just are already kind of life partners, and we already share, you know, deeply with each other. We're just not married.
But, yeah, that. But I. I think that queerness in many ways saved me and that with regard to a lot of that, because queer people are already looking to do relationships differently and are already looking outside of traditional boundaries in order to build a relationship. So it's. It was easier for me once I realized that I wasn't straight to be like, oh, I am not automatically going to fail at this. Like, I. Then it became like.
It became less about, like, oh, I'm not desirable, and became more about, like. Like I said at the top, I have the intimacy issues of an unsocialized feral cat. I. I, like, I had. I have so much baggage that I'm like. That I'm leave left over from, like.
[00:52:03] Speaker C: Can that be the name, please? Can the name.
I have the. I have the intimacy issues have been unsocialized throughout.
[00:52:11] Speaker A: Cap.
It's really true. It's like, I really. You can ask my poor partner, man. My partner. Right now, I'm at the very. I move at a glacial pace. It is. It's just like. It's like.
It's like dating somebody with a cactus for a heart. It's tough to date me because I'm just like, listen, I don't know how to do this. And. And he's.
[00:52:34] Speaker C: And I mean, poetically, you might put them In a poem. And I mean, I'm not gonna lie. I would be dared by today.
[00:52:40] Speaker A: You.
[00:52:40] Speaker C: Because I'm like, what if I did something wrong?
[00:52:41] Speaker A: What if I get into a poem?
[00:52:42] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:52:42] Speaker A: Yeah, that definitely. I. One of the. One of the things that really spooks me, literally, the only reason I said yes to doing this podcast at all, other than loving the both of you, is like, oh, I'm in a relationship now. So I actually do have some qualifications to discuss this. Like, I actually like somebody legitimately. At least four people have wanted to be in a relationship with me, so I am. And I'm currently in one that I'm not completely destroying. So I don't. I can't be doing that badly. Like, I can't be up that bad because he's still here.
But. But we are at the kind of very beginning of the relationship because I'm moving just. Absolutely.
Just glacial, just ice age pace.
And. And they're very patient with me, my partner. They're very. You know, they're very.
Queerness saved me, and polyamory saved me because I. While I've never had more than one partner at once, all of my previous partners have had more than one partner besides me.
[00:53:44] Speaker C: I like to think I'm pas, first of all, number one.
Number two, I could be polyamorous. But I'm a jealous. Okay.
I don't think that I could know that you were with somebody else and having the same kind of emotional.
And I want to think that I could. Okay. If you. If you asked me, like, yesterday, I would have said, like, oh, yeah, I'm totally with. But I really think about it.
I am like one of those on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills if you tell me that so and so. And I don't know who any of them are. I don't watch the franchise, so I'm not gonna pretend like I know what I'm talking about.
[00:54:20] Speaker A: Right. Yeah.
[00:54:20] Speaker C: But I. If you tell me that you're seeing someone else, I'm gonna go.
[00:54:25] Speaker A: You're gonna go to their house. Like, you're gonna go see for me. The joys of polyamory. They tie directly into the fatigue that we were talking about at the. At the earlier part of the episode. I'm so tired. I. I need to know that someone else is taking care of you. I'm like, please don't leave it up to me. I don't.
[00:54:44] Speaker C: I love that.
[00:54:45] Speaker A: I. I need to know that someone else, maybe multiple someone else's, are. Are making sure that you get everything you need. So that I don't feel. Because I have a thing in relationships, especially in my romantic relationship. And it's very true in my friendships too, where I feel like I need to be perfect because somebody chose to spend time with me.
[00:55:08] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:55:08] Speaker A: So I need to be, like, really, like, on top of everything and really, really, like, available.
And then I start to feel resentment because I work myself way too hard, and it's like, well, live. Nobody said you had to do any of that. No, nobody said you had to answer the text at 2am or whatever it is that you did that you're now feeling resentment about.
[00:55:29] Speaker C: So for me, then text me back. I have a fucking. I have a meltdown. I'm like, what? What? It is 2025. What do you mean you can't get back to me?
[00:55:38] Speaker A: Oh, no, don't text me back. Take days. Take days. I really am fine.
[00:55:43] Speaker C: No, no, no. I'm. I'm the complete opposite. I'm like, how very dare you. You. It is 2025. Everyone has a computer in their pocket. You're telling me you couldn't do some swipes with your thumb and say, hello, oh, I'm fully.
[00:55:55] Speaker A: No, I'm. I'm fully. I. The. The last relationship that I was in, kind of semi. Seriously, one of the things that. That they used to do that would make me crazy would be that they would text me a question. And this was like, at the, like, height of my chronic illness, where I was in bed for like 12 hours a day, they. They would text me a question, like, like, how are you? Or what are you doing? Or like, with a normal question. And then a couple of hours later, if I didn't get back to them, they would text me a question mark.
And I. That was too much for me. That was like. That was. You're being clingy. Like, that was so. That was so much for me. And that's.
[00:56:32] Speaker C: It's funny you said clingy because of my. The joke is that I'm a Klingosaurus rex because I.
I like the cling a little bit. I want somebody to be thinking about me all the time. I want somebody to be like, to be. Want again. I think I want this, but I also might not want this at all.
In the fantasy relationship, in my head, I want that, but in real life, I probably want to be like, get the fuck away from me.
[00:56:58] Speaker A: Even in my fantasies, I'm like, if you don't have a hobby or friends, we can't.
This is the downfall of the first relationship that I had, being so. So being so passionate about that person to the point where it was detrimental to my mental health, I don't ever want to feel that way again.
So I'm very like, I'm going to keep you at arms length, and I'm going to, you know, we're going to have friends and hobbies and stuff that we do. And I. Jobs. Like, I don't ever want to feel like I can't live without another person ever, ever again.
It's so bad. So I'm very like, the reason polyamory is so great for me is not because I want to see more than one person, but I want to make. My partner is getting loved on from all corners.
Yeah, I like that because maybe I'm having a bad pain day or maybe I have a job to do or maybe, like, my poor partner, God bless him, we met, and they only live a couple of hours away from me by public transit. And I was like, oh, this is really going to work out because, like, the chronic pain part of my disability has kind of abated. I've gotten some good medical care, and I'm, like, not dealing with that as much anymore.
[00:58:07] Speaker C: Oh, good for you.
[00:58:08] Speaker A: Yeah, it's great. Yay. Botox.
[00:58:10] Speaker C: Shout out before Trump, like, finds the reason why.
[00:58:13] Speaker A: Yeah, really? Well, I still have it. Shout out to Dr. Beckley at Columbia for giving me my life back.
But, yeah, I met him. I met my partner right after I started doing Botox, and I was like, oh, yeah, it's like long distance, but it's not, like, crazy long distance. Like, we, you know, I could make this work. And then immediately after meeting him, like, a month later, I adopted an abused dog who. Now I can't leave the house. I. I have to medicate this dog before I leave to go get my hair cut. So I literally had to call my partner at that point and be like, okay, this is what happened. The. The dog is the primary relationship right now. I'm so sorry. I have to. I have to get this dog mentally to a place where he's gonna be okay with me leaving or, like, taking him on the Amtrak. And I don't know if we're ever gonna get there. So it really. The timing with my relationship not work out super great. My partner is very patient with me. We have not seen each other for a year.
I like, I blessed. He's. He's very good.
[00:59:16] Speaker C: Yeah. I'm gonna just follow.
How? How? What? Why? Why? How? Why? Tell us why? What?
[00:59:24] Speaker A: Why? Because I have a dog and a book, and both of Those things are taking up a little bit more of my time. And, and I, and I just. I don't know.
[00:59:32] Speaker C: Without doxing yourself, just nod if I get it right. New York.
[00:59:39] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:59:40] Speaker C: And the, and the partner with new what? New Jersey.
[00:59:44] Speaker A: Further.
[00:59:45] Speaker C: Okay.
Okay. Also, this is both.
[00:59:49] Speaker A: No, no.
[00:59:51] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:59:52] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:59:52] Speaker C: Next question being Ken, partner, not hop on the Amtrak and come see you.
[00:59:58] Speaker A: I, I would, I hope that we'll get there, but then this is the other major thing. I live with, my whole family, I live with.
[01:00:04] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, that's right.
[01:00:06] Speaker A: So I, I, I'm sure he would do it. I'm sure, in a minute. But I don't know where we go. I don't know where. I don't know where.
[01:00:13] Speaker C: All right, well, send me, Send me pictures later so I can silently critique him for you.
[01:00:18] Speaker A: Hell yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Andrew, honestly, you would actually. I think that you would really get along with them. I think that you're going to be pleased with, with. I, I actually, I think I shot way out of my league.
My partner, I look at my partner. I don't know what's going on. Why, why are you here? I don't really understand what's happening here, but. Okay, I'm like, you haven't figured it out yet, so I'm not going to rush you. It's fine.
But, like, you know, he's very, very patient with me. And again, it has to do with queerness, because we're all, we're all kind of like.
They love that I am inexperienced and that I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm constantly just like, I don't know. I, like, I hope this is okay. Like, they, they love it about me, and they think it's. It's really fun and sweet to, like, get to go on this journey with me and to, like, be my partner in this particular way of, like, you know, just getting to enjoy each other's company, whether we text once a week or, or twice, you know, twice a week or whatever. They're so patient. I don't know where they even came from. I, I literally only decided to come on this podcast because I was like, well, this relationship is not going so bad, so maybe I do have some advice to give to people. I don't know.
He's still here, so, I mean, I.
[01:01:37] Speaker C: Hope that over the next five episodes, you're. That opinion doesn't change drastically.
[01:01:42] Speaker A: Seriously? Yeah. No, no, I, I, no, they're great. And I, I really, I love how different everything can look. I Love how, you know, everything can just be the shape that it grows to with your partner. When you're queer, you can just kind of do your. Your own thing and, like, and not feel beholden to any sort of expectations.
And I wish that straight people had that too. Like, I wish that CIS straight people could kind of figure out that, like, it's all fake and we made it.
[01:02:12] Speaker C: All up anyway and nobody knows what we're doing.
[01:02:14] Speaker A: You don't have to do anything that you don't want to do. Like, I remember one of my friends, I don't know if she would identify herself as disabled, so I'm not going to put that label on her, but she was injured and she has a really, really great. I think he's her husband now, but at the time he was her fiance. He's really amazing. And I said, how did you. How did you do the dating thing?
And she said, if I can't show up to a date in sweatpants and a hoodie, you can leave. I don't want to be there. Like, I don't want to have to put in any effort, and I want to still be seen as, like, my authentic self and have somebody embrace me without having to put makeup on or, like, put a dress on or whatever. If I can't show up in hoodie. In a hoodie and sweatpants, like, I'm not going. And I was like, that's bananas. I was so blown away by that. And that really stayed with me. And I think that's kind of where I'm at with dating. I'm like, if I can't show up in sweatpants and a hoodie, like, I don't want to go. Like, I just. I don't want to be there. And, you know, so that's where what I'm taking into my relationships where I'm just like, if I can't be my full self, Bye.
[01:03:25] Speaker B: So we're gonna tap it there for part one a week.
[01:03:32] Speaker C: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I just wanna.
[01:03:34] Speaker A: What the time is it? Oh, my God. Okay.
[01:03:37] Speaker C: I just wanna. I wanna laugh at Keith because I'm sure he wanted to tap it 20 minutes ago.
[01:03:43] Speaker A: Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah.
[01:03:44] Speaker C: He very nicely was like, let me just be quiet. Let her keep. Let live. Keep talking. It's fine.
[01:03:50] Speaker B: Yeah, we could probably do the five pods in literally five hours.
[01:03:59] Speaker A: We could. Don't let me do that, because my energy. My energy levels will.
[01:04:02] Speaker B: 10 to 15 hours.
We're going to cab there. Folks, we hope you've enjoyed this. This episode.
We're gonna sign off and figure out when we do the next one. I want to thank my fellow co hosts Andrew Garza and Liv Morone. See you next time.
[01:04:38] Speaker D: You you have been listening to Disability Empowerment Now. I would like to thank my guests, you, the listener, and the Disability Empowerment now team that made this episode possible.
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