Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:10] Speaker B: Miniseries Dating with Disabilities Part three.
I'm your co host, Keith Maviji Ghiancini. I'm joined by my other co hosts, Lib Larone and Andrew G.
Reminder to please listen or watch these episodes in order.
Thank you.
How are you guys?
[00:00:42] Speaker A: I was gonna say. Or not. You can watch them whatever order you like to, right?
[00:00:45] Speaker C: I was gonna say. Yeah. What happens if you don't? It feels very like Dada if you. If you don't do it. But it's, you know.
[00:00:52] Speaker B: Well, there are some jokes that carried through.
[00:00:58] Speaker A: Oh, you just want to get the call back, people.
[00:01:00] Speaker B: All right, again, I see that, but no, I mean like.
[00:01:06] Speaker A: And subscribe. Is that what the kids.
[00:01:11] Speaker B: You can really watch a legend of these in any order you want.
My first question, so I forgot the question. So, Liv, that's actually a nickname and not.
Okay, okay.
To live.
That's actually unique name.
[00:01:45] Speaker A: Sorry, guys. My zoom just opened up my otter for no reason that I didn't ask it to. So if you see another person in the chat, that's what's happening. I don't know why that's happening.
[00:01:55] Speaker C: Your phone or something?
[00:01:56] Speaker A: Yeah, I didn't set it up. Just started happening. So. All right, it's fine. Sorry.
[00:02:00] Speaker B: So, yeah, that's fine.
[00:02:03] Speaker A: It.
[00:02:04] Speaker B: Things happen.
[00:02:05] Speaker C: Oh, it's like a note taking thing, right?
[00:02:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
So there might be a transcript of this, which.
Cool.
[00:02:12] Speaker B: We'll all need.
So, Liv, I've always wondered that about you.
Why do you go.
Why do you go by your nickname professionally than your look on your face?
[00:02:32] Speaker A: It's like, why are we talking about it?
[00:02:33] Speaker C: Why are we dead naming me on the podcast right now?
What does this have to do. I don't care. I do.
[00:02:41] Speaker B: No, I don't know. I. To be honest, I didn't know how to start this, talking about this at.
[00:02:50] Speaker C: All, but it has absolutely all to do.
[00:02:52] Speaker A: Well, let me help you out.
I got here, my full name. I go by.
[00:02:58] Speaker C: There we go.
[00:02:59] Speaker A: I'll go by. I go by Andrew professionally. My full name. Andrew Alexander Sean Morrison.
Wow.
[00:03:06] Speaker C: What are you, like a Mormon? Why are there so many?
[00:03:10] Speaker A: Because my. I don't know. Because my. I don't know why. I don't know why. Because my mom wanted Andrew because she thought it was strong. My dad wanted Sean.
My mom didn't like that.
Alexander. Somewhere in there.
Morrison Gerz are my lap. My last two hyphenated names.
[00:03:32] Speaker C: This is a safe space. Thank you for. Thank you for opening up.
[00:03:36] Speaker A: That's. I mean, but Andrew Gerda sounds cooler and it's way more memorable and people know what that is.
[00:03:41] Speaker C: Yeah, I wish I had, like, a deep. A deep reasoning for this other than, you know, my poor mom, she hates that I do this. But basically what I started going by live.
I think it's kind of like a gender thing. Like, that's another podcast that we have to do is like the intersection.
Yeah. Disability.
[00:03:59] Speaker B: We do.
[00:04:00] Speaker C: And gender. Non conformity. But, like, I started going by live because it just felt like a little bit more.
A little bit more agender. A little bit more, like a little bit less feminine. And I just enjoyed that. And I also like that it's a verb.
But then professionally, it basically is because at the time that I was on the New York City slam scene, there was another poet named Olivia Gatwood who is a truly incredible author. And if you have not read her books, she just wrote a novel called whoever you are, honey, which is a really incredible, like, sci fi dystopian novel about AI Very.
[00:04:39] Speaker A: Oh, how do I think I. I think I saw that on, like, a book talk.
[00:04:42] Speaker C: You probably. Yeah, you probably saw it on, like, a book talk. It's. It's getting big. She's actually, like, kind of famous. And so because she was even at that time, like, getting kind of famous, I didn't want anybody to confuse me with Olivia Gatwood because we were coming out of the same.
The same slam space. And because I love Olivia Gatwood, I wanted there to be like, one Olivia on the New York slam scene, and I wanted it to be Olivia Gatwood because she's the coolest. So I became Liv Mamon professionally because it's just what everybody calls me. And when people call me Olivia, I kind of assume I'm in trouble.
[00:05:16] Speaker A: Don't you want to be, like, fits in Olivia and he's like, olivia, I love you.
[00:05:23] Speaker C: That's fair. That's fair.
[00:05:24] Speaker B: So to continue this trend.
[00:05:31] Speaker A: Get off track, guys. Shut up.
[00:05:32] Speaker C: Dying to see how you managed to wrap. To loop this around.
[00:05:37] Speaker B: So am I.
So am I.
So my bub name is Keith Russell Murphy. And then when my parents, who met later in life, got married for tax reasons, I hibernated.
[00:06:00] Speaker A: Hold on.
[00:06:03] Speaker B: But this is actually interesting.
When I was born, my mother could not decide between Kyle, Kevin, or Keith.
[00:06:21] Speaker C: And they're definitely not a Kyle.
[00:06:25] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, wait a minute. No, no, no. I could see Kyle there. I could see. I could see it. It's possible.
[00:06:30] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:06:31] Speaker A: I can also see Kevin and I can also see Keith.
[00:06:34] Speaker C: When you said Sean before Andrew, I definitely don't see Shawn for you. I don't.
[00:06:40] Speaker B: I don't either.
[00:06:41] Speaker C: That's not like. I don't know why, but that's not so.
[00:06:43] Speaker B: My mother couldn't decide, and she needed to pick a name for my birth certificate. And I was about to get baptized Catholic, which is a whole nother story.
So my grandma named me Keith Rodsol, which is my grandfather's name, Nancy.
[00:07:14] Speaker A: So I'm loving to see how you're going to tie this into the topic.
[00:07:17] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm curious.
[00:07:18] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm loving. The two kids had no.
[00:07:25] Speaker C: I am something Something identity. Something.
[00:07:30] Speaker B: Identity. Well, I mean, you guys asked me last time in part two who my man Crutch was.
So there's the tie in.
And it will become really clear in a second.
My man Crutch is no longer alive.
And brother Redburn.
No, no. That would have been too easy, unfortunately.
[00:08:08] Speaker A: I mean, he was really hot.
[00:08:10] Speaker C: Because he's delicious. Yeah. You know?
[00:08:13] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
So it's actually Humphrey Bogart.
[00:08:22] Speaker C: Yeah. You know what?
[00:08:23] Speaker A: All right, all right. I don't understand.
Okay, sure.
[00:08:30] Speaker B: He actually grew up with lips himself.
[00:08:37] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:08:37] Speaker B: And so also the lead singer of Third Eye Blind, Steven Jenkins, also grew up with lips. I'm very, very close to audits. I have a virginity audience of two. Audience who have some sort of speech difficulty.
I don't care how major or minor it. It resonates with me.
[00:09:15] Speaker A: Stephan Jenkins made me gay in the early 2000s.
[00:09:19] Speaker C: I was gonna say. Yeah, I definitely, like. I definitely like a big part of my. My heart. Like, I think if I saw him in public, I might actually, like, launch myself at him. Because who. Dude doesn't love him. I'm sorry.
[00:09:34] Speaker A: My third eye open.
[00:09:37] Speaker B: A lot of people, actually, but all of them. Yeah, no, we all have our detracted.
[00:09:45] Speaker A: Devin Jenkins. Call me. We'll hang out.
[00:09:48] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:09:49] Speaker B: So, yeah, I mean, it's like the naming is.
It's really interesting because when my parents sat me down and wanted me to add on to my name, I stared at my mother aghast.
And I would like, you're the one marrying him. I'm not.
And this was when I was 19.
I'm not like 5 or 6.
[00:10:26] Speaker C: You're not a child. He's not adopting you. It's like, what are we doing?
[00:10:29] Speaker B: Well, no, he. He eventually did, but this was long before that.
[00:10:37] Speaker A: Do you guys have, like a cool tick tock video where he, like, you hand him, like, where he hands you, like, adult adoptee papers and then you all cry about it and it's cute.
[00:10:46] Speaker B: No, but we really should. That would totally.
[00:10:50] Speaker A: I love those videos. Total side quest.
Just before I talk to you guys, I was watching a wedding video because I'm a loser. Like that. And I was watching this. I was watching this guy wait for his bride to come down the aisle, and they had recorded a little video, a little audio of his daughter saying, like, hi, Daddy, it's me. I'm so excited to see you in a minute because you're going to marry my mom and I love you. And I literally was crying.
[00:11:15] Speaker C: Like, for me, it's the videos of, like, army servicemen surprising their children. Like, like returning from, from tours and surprising their kids or, like, seeing their dogs for the first time. Like, I'm like, not a patriotic person. And I'm like, okay, whatever. The military industrial complex. You just get me an excited dog. And I get very patriotic.
[00:11:38] Speaker A: I will start. I start balling immediately.
I wasn't crying before. And five seconds in, I was like, okay, I'm tearing up. What?
[00:11:45] Speaker B: What?
[00:11:45] Speaker A: What?
[00:11:46] Speaker B: So it happens to be one of my exits birthday. And I won't say who because we don't use names on this show.
[00:12:01] Speaker C: Talking.
[00:12:01] Speaker A: About all of our names.
[00:12:04] Speaker B: And I just love that I did that line because it.
And Liv, you actually know two of my exes.
[00:12:17] Speaker C: I do. I do.
[00:12:18] Speaker B: We brought up in part one. And if I was any more insecure, that fact alone would freak me the fuck out. It's like, whatever. I know how you know one of them. I don't. You don't know how you know the other one that blows my mind and I'm not.
[00:12:46] Speaker A: Because disability is small, man. We all know each other.
[00:12:49] Speaker C: That's what I was gonna say. I actually probably think it's just like, oh, I friended them on Facebook because every. Because if a person has a disability and like, I, I, I friend them on social media until they give me a reason not to.
[00:13:02] Speaker B: Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, it's really interesting, that dynamic and how we are here now doing that show, this mini series on dating with disabilities you talked about in the last part, how people misidentify your age.
Extremely. And I have to confess, I. I did too. I mean, I hesitated to talk to you, to invite you on the podcast because I'm like, she's 22.
[00:13:53] Speaker C: Is she legal?
[00:13:55] Speaker B: I'm not 22 at all. I don't want that bad, Pratt.
Because, I mean, I've.
I've seen though.
[00:14:11] Speaker A: Tell us. Feel for the whole song about it.
[00:14:14] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, that's true. But I'm trying To get to no.
[00:14:21] Speaker A: One go by hilarious joke.
[00:14:23] Speaker B: Taylor Swift.
[00:14:24] Speaker C: Yeah, no, that's gonna go right over. Andrew. I'm sorry, I. I maybe know like one Taylor Swift song.
[00:14:29] Speaker A: I don't.
[00:14:30] Speaker C: And it's like safe and sound that she did with the Civil War, so it doesn't even count, but. Keith, what were you saying?
[00:14:36] Speaker B: The point I'm trying to make, and I mentioned this in our group chat because we obviously can stop talking to each other even when we're not recording.
And I don't regret dating any of the people that I've dated. And to answer your question from part one, Andrew, I broke one heart. I got my heart broken twice. But that's neither here nor there.
But prevention speaking.
I have come to realize that it's very bad form to elites in my mind, date my cats or see them socially.
Although the last person I dated, we met on this very podcast and I would like, oh, my God, that's a great origin story.
Because who the tintop that adds the origin story.
[00:16:04] Speaker C: I mean, that's pretty. Yeah. Like, I definitely. My favorite podcast, I watched those two hosts get a divorce in the middle of recording the Pot the Law. Like it was like a long term podcast and they had like a certain amount of episodes they had to do. And I watched them get a divorce like in the middle of it. So I mean that, you know that in the. On the opposite direction.
[00:16:23] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:24] Speaker C: Can be a really good origin story. And then it's like, wait, this could actually like ruin your whole vibe.
[00:16:30] Speaker A: You know, I mean, we all saw the Try guys. We all saw that meltdown, didn't we? Yes, we all.
[00:16:37] Speaker C: Is that. Is that. I don't know that one. Can we. Can we. For. For someone who's.
[00:16:43] Speaker A: I mean, if you're not chronically online, like I am. I'm online all the time because what I do. So the Try guys were this buzzfeed adjacent.
Like they were guys from buzzfeed and they joined, they started a channel called the Try Guys where they tried stuff. And one of the guys on there was all about how he loved his wife and all, how he loved his kid and blah, blah. And then one day they found out that he was cheating on his wife with one of the staffers at his company.
And then they had to oust him from the company because HR violations, they. And so like, he just has. He's come back on the scene three years later to be like, everybody make mistakes. No, you're.
[00:17:24] Speaker C: He's doing his. He's doing his redemption tour. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:17:28] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. So the larger question is, Keith, don't date your.
Don't take your death, because that shit can happen to you.
[00:17:34] Speaker C: I don't. Yeah. I don't know about anybody else, but I'm, like, sweating right now because I'm such a Leo. I'm like, is Keith gonna ask me out, like, on the air in real time? Is that where this conversation is going? I don't know what's happening right now.
[00:17:46] Speaker B: Now, how.
How do you get there, Liv? How do you get there?
[00:17:53] Speaker C: Listen, I'm the center of the universe. Everybody knows it. That's.
That's the vibe I bring to the function. Okay.
[00:18:02] Speaker B: Wow. Wow. Okay.
[00:18:06] Speaker C: It would have gotten real, real fast. We're just doing reality.
[00:18:09] Speaker B: It cleared the air because now I have to.
No, I would not about that.
[00:18:22] Speaker C: I was like, where's this conversation going about my age? Or, you know, you're, like, trying to steal my identity. You're getting, like, my.
[00:18:32] Speaker B: Like, looping that back to the lads pod. Because that was a big part of what we talked about. And until I actually interviewed you and you self disclosed your own age.
But I think we were, like, friends for four or five years.
[00:19:03] Speaker C: We were friends for many, many years. Before you called me.
[00:19:05] Speaker B: Before I.
Because just looking at your picture, I would, like. Too young. Too young.
[00:19:15] Speaker C: I did that. That mean thing.
Yeah, I did that thing where you post a picture of yourself from, like, from, like, 15 years ago, and then you post a picture of yourself in the present day, and I swear, I don't look any different. Like, the dark circles are a little bit bigger, but that. I, like, looked at a picture of myself in college. I was like, nothing's changed. This is just who I am, I guess.
[00:19:38] Speaker B: Yeah. And, I mean, I wanted to talk to you about poetry because you're so prolific, but I. I would, like. No, no, no. It's. It's. No, it's wrong. No, no, no, no.
And I. I freaked myself out until you came on catch. And then I breathe a sigh of relief.
[00:20:13] Speaker C: It's. It's nice on your birthday, though, when you tell. It's the only time I actually really enjoy it is on my birthday when I tell people how old I'm turning. And then people who don't know me are like, I thought you were turning 23. And it's like, yeah, I'll take this. This is fine. This is fine.
[00:20:28] Speaker A: How old are you?
[00:20:31] Speaker B: Out of the conversation.
[00:20:35] Speaker A: Oh, that's okay. I'm listening. Also nervously listening, like, what the. What? I'm just gonna be here. All right. I'm here.
[00:20:41] Speaker C: Yeah, we're gonna let this just happen the way it's going to happen. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm down for the ride. Yeah, I just turned 36, Andrew.
[00:20:50] Speaker A: Okay, you're basically 40. It's fine.
[00:20:52] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm basically 40. It's fine.
[00:20:54] Speaker A: I say that with love because I am 41. So in my mind everyone's right.
[00:20:58] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm basically 40. And you know what? I was actually, I was saying 37 because I forgot how old I was during COVID Like I forgot like during the lockdown down, like what birthday passed when we were all locked in our houses. So for a while I was just wrong and I, I just said the wrong number for about a year. So it's fine.
I'm looking forward to 40. I really am. I'm, I'm like every birthday I just kind of discard to give. So I'm really looking forward to 40 because there's.
[00:21:24] Speaker A: Just get ready because, because about three months into 40 you're going to be like, oh, why is there crushing depression? What this about? Oh, I'm not where I wanted to be in my life. Cool. Okay. I'm just gonna really hit you. So just prepare yourself for.
[00:21:41] Speaker C: That's a whole week.
We could have a whole conversation about like disability and how like in some parts of your life you're like really, really advanced and in other parts of your life you're just like absolutely behind Everybody.
[00:21:57] Speaker A: Basically a 17 year old girl being like, why do you love me? I'm here.
[00:22:01] Speaker C: No, seriously? Yeah. No, that was my first relationship. I was 22 and I was acting like 15 and I'm like, oh, this wasn't smart, none of this.
[00:22:08] Speaker A: But I'm a 41 year old gay man being like, I don't know how to do this because we're not giving any handbooks on how to date. We're not giving any. Like, there's no, there's no like, oh, you have, you have severe cp. Here's how you're gonna go on a date.
[00:22:21] Speaker C: Here's how we're gonna do it. Yeah, and I feel bad because I get the question a lot from, from other people with disabilities, like younger people than me. And I'm just like, I don't, I don't. That's, that's how I do it.
[00:22:33] Speaker A: I know. I always get people being like, you work in sex and disability. Can you give me advice? Nope. Because I really don't have. I don't. What? Because I don't have any.
[00:22:41] Speaker C: I always assume that you're always. That you work in it because you really aren't having as much of it as you would like to.
[00:22:47] Speaker B: I'm not.
[00:22:48] Speaker A: I'm really not have. I'm not having any of it. Actually.
[00:22:50] Speaker C: I. I always kind of assumed that that was why it was your platform, because it was like, well, if I can't get laid, I'm going to at least talk to porn stars. Like, okay, why? Why not?
[00:22:58] Speaker A: And then, you know, I'm privileged enough that I. That I have the funds to hire a sex worker when I need to, but, like, I'm not. People think when you work in sex, you're, like, always sucking. That's never happening. No, no, you're usually showing people that it's, like, a valid thing for people to have, too.
[00:23:18] Speaker C: And, I mean, at least you'd, like, turned it into, like, an actual career for me. I just wind up, like, being thirsty about Walton Goggins on my social media because I just want to prove to the abled that I'm like, no, there's feelings in here.
[00:23:30] Speaker A: Have you watched the Righteous Gemstones?
[00:23:33] Speaker C: Oh, of course. My biggest. My biggest achievement for the year is I got my mom to watch the Righteous Gemstones. Like, I published a book. Whatever. Whatever. No, no, no, no, no. I got my mom to watch Righteous Gemstones.
[00:23:44] Speaker A: You pause that scene over and over and over again.
[00:23:47] Speaker C: Okay, okay, okay, okay. This is actually kind of related to what we are actually here to talk about. That's not him.
[00:23:54] Speaker A: Well, that's upsetting.
[00:23:56] Speaker C: It's very important. He said it on, like, four different TV interviews. That's not him. He really wants everybody to know, so I'm spreading the word. I didn't get this, like, you know, weird, stalkery kind of way. No, because that character is supposed to be, like, 75. They got, like, an actual couple of 75 year old men to be like, his butt and his.
Okay, so. Yeah, yeah. So he. So that's not him.
I. Believe me, I wish it was. I wish it was. I'm curious what he's. Actually.
This is the part where I.
[00:24:34] Speaker A: He's probably hung very nicely. Just.
[00:24:37] Speaker C: Oh, my God. Andrew. Andrew, go look up. Oh, my God. What is the magazine? I think it's called Cultured Magazine. He did a whole spread in nothing but a yellow Speedo.
[00:24:49] Speaker A: What?
[00:24:51] Speaker C: We call it the banana hammock photo shoot. It's. It's wild. He. He is. Oh, he's. It's good. It's good, it's good. Anyway, we're getting off I have a.
[00:25:01] Speaker A: Speaking of righteous gemstones, I have a crush on Adam Divine.
[00:25:05] Speaker C: You know what? I can see that for you.
[00:25:07] Speaker A: The short king. He's a short king, and he. Like a tree. Let's go. I mean, he has a baby and he's super straight. Fine. Whatever. It's fine. But if he wanted to, like, get with me, I'd be. I'd be there.
[00:25:21] Speaker C: I see that for you. I think that he would. He would be good. Yeah, I. I could definitely see you guys together. That would be cute. I also love a short king.
I'm only 4 10, so I was actually just talking about this with one of my girlfriends, because she keeps sending me tiktoks of this absolute, like, six five man covered in tattoos. And I'm like, I don't think you understand how little this is doing for me. I, like, I don't want a guy who looks like he could walk me around on a leash or, like, in a purse, like a Yorkie. I'm so small, and there's only got to be, like, a certain amount of height difference. And then after a while, it just looks like a psychiatry.
[00:25:59] Speaker A: I want a guy who can literally carry me because it just makes accessibility easier, frankly.
[00:26:04] Speaker C: Anybody could carry me. I weigh 98 pounds. Anybody could do it. So I'm not. I'm not that worried about it.
[00:26:11] Speaker A: I'm a bit heftier than that.
[00:26:14] Speaker C: I like Seth Green. I have a real. A real crush on Seth Green, and he's only 5 5. Like, there's gotta be, like, a certain amount of math. And they get.
It gets weird when they get to be too tall. You know what I mean? After 5 11, like.
[00:26:28] Speaker A: Well, you know, not that I want to be explicit on this podcast, but I'll wink in a nod and say, like, because, you know, the people are listening, and I have to be. I'm conscious of who's listening, and they don't know my. They don't know my deal. But if they're tall, it makes it really easy to, you know, get to the places where you got. Because you're right level.
[00:26:51] Speaker C: That's true.
[00:26:52] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:26:52] Speaker C: That's a good point.
[00:26:53] Speaker B: Yeah.
Yeah.
[00:26:55] Speaker C: I guess it's, like, the upside to, like, as a wheelchair user, when you're, like, ass level with everybody all the time. When you're, like, walking in a crowd and you're just eye level with everybody's ass, which can be fun, but, you know, I'm from New York. It's not always great.
[00:27:07] Speaker B: So I'm 54 and 162 yeah, see, that's good math.
[00:27:17] Speaker C: I. That would. That would work for me. 410 and five. Four works. That's. You know, that's good math.
[00:27:22] Speaker B: Again, I am not.
[00:27:26] Speaker C: Yeah, no, your listeners are like, Lynn is not really going for it.
[00:27:31] Speaker B: Not actually.
[00:27:34] Speaker A: Let's see how many times Keith can say. Not before we.
Before he says the rest of the cell.
How many more times, Keith?
[00:27:41] Speaker C: All right. What. Can we get a question, I feel.
[00:27:45] Speaker B: What question?
[00:27:48] Speaker C: You're the host. You didn't.
[00:27:50] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:27:50] Speaker A: Give us one bullet.
[00:27:53] Speaker B: Okay.
Favorite fantasy.
[00:27:57] Speaker C: Oh, wow.
[00:27:58] Speaker A: Wow. We're just going right in.
We already know that Liv wants to gargle Walter Goggins. Walton Goggins. Walter Walton.
[00:28:06] Speaker C: Walton. Walton's Goggins. I want to goggle.
[00:28:11] Speaker A: I want Adam Divine to climb me like a tree.
What else? I like.
Honestly, my fantasy is, like, take me on a fucking date. Let's walk through CVS and laugh at how stupid the products are, and then let's go home and make out. That's really, like, the older I get, the less I want, like, you know, sexy fantasy. And I just. Look, let's just make a pot of rice and then each other.
[00:28:39] Speaker C: Okay. Why rice? That was oddly specific.
[00:28:43] Speaker A: Because if you're. If you're queer, it binds you so you don't have to.
[00:28:49] Speaker C: Ah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
[00:28:54] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:28:54] Speaker A: Not just clear, but if you're doing that, it binds you.
[00:28:58] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that's good. Good to know. I'm writing that down. See, that's why you're the expert, Andrew. I'm writing that down.
[00:29:07] Speaker A: Let's get a Potter ice, and let's get a Potter ice. Andrew Gerson, 2025.
[00:29:13] Speaker C: That's gonna be. That's gonna be your new podcast. Let's get a Potter book.
[00:29:18] Speaker A: Really? The older I get, the less I. The less I like. Oh, fantasy. And the more I want just, like. Just be a human with me.
[00:29:26] Speaker C: Yeah. Just don't be weird.
[00:29:28] Speaker A: Just be a person together and it's all right.
[00:29:32] Speaker C: Honestly, I always thought that was, like, my age. And also the antidepressants. Like, I got on Prozac, and, like, you ever. You ever hear that song? It's like, I miss having sex, but at least I don't want to die anymore.
That's kind of where I'm at right now.
Kind of killed everything. So now I'm just like, yeah, I know. I'm good.
[00:29:53] Speaker A: I'm good.
[00:29:54] Speaker C: I'm good with my fan Vic and my dog. Thank you.
[00:29:57] Speaker A: Well, I have friends who are on antidepressants. And I have people that I spent time with that can't, you know, that I have trouble, you know, achieving orgasm or even wanting to have a sex drive. And I say to them, you know what? I'd rather have you be here in the world than worry about that. It's fine.
The older I get, like, it's so funny because I was just thinking about doing this for my podcast because I'm like, oh, my God, I'm. I'm hitting 400 episodes soon, and I have no idea. Like, I have no idea what the fuck to do for that milestone. And I was like, well, let me just go back through my old stuff. And one of the first episodes I ever did before I had the fancy mic, I was wearing, like, my Apple headphones, plugged into my computer, talking, and I did, like, do I have a sex drive? And I kind of want to revisit the that theme ten years later, be like, how's my sex drive now? And like, I said, you know, at the time, I said my sex drive was higher.
I have a really big libido because I don't get to access sex as frequently. And now when I get older, I'm like, I don't really want to fuck you. Just come over and, like, the possibility that we might have sexes can be there, but we don't have to do anything. It's fine.
[00:31:04] Speaker C: I'm kind of hoping that for me, it kind of moves in the opposite direction, because, you know, I've talked a little bit about my partner on the series before. I'm kind of hoping that, like, now that they're in my life, like, I will actually become more into it, because there's, like, a person on, you know, kind of helping you, and it's. It's. You know, it's not just about, like, the act of having sex. It's like, okay, this is a. This is a person that I care about and love, and we. And we're building something together. I'm kind of hoping that that will kind of get me rolling again, because I. The reason I actually did this, for a very specific reason. And this is actually. We were talking off mic, I think about one of the questions that you wanted to ask us being, what's the funniest sexual experience you've ever had?
So I went on birth control and hardcore antidepressants because I orgasmed in front of my father and went to my gynecologist and was like, okay, this has got to stop. I can't be allowed in Public.
I need to get this situated.
[00:32:10] Speaker A: I really hope you pop that cherry wide open.
Like, there are times when I'm on the train riding home my mom's house because I can't masturbate. There are times when I'll be sitting in the. On the train, not thinking about sex, just gone the train like a normal person. And my body will decide, now's the time. I'm gonna come.
[00:32:31] Speaker C: Now it's here. Now it's here.
Okay. Is it specifically for you? Because this is the case for me. Is it the motion of the train? Because I definitely have come on.
[00:32:41] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:32:42] Speaker C: The rattling of the train and the.
[00:32:45] Speaker A: You have to come to my podcast. And we have.
[00:32:48] Speaker C: Really hoping that our parents are not listening to this, but.
[00:32:51] Speaker A: Oh, I'm sure my mom is listening. My mom and I have had a whole discussion about how I've come on the train.
[00:32:56] Speaker C: Oh, my God. It's happened to me, like, three or four times, too. It really. That. Yeah, it was really a part of why I had to get on birth control and get on antidepressants, because I was just like, I can't.
This is so uncomfortable. I used to have to, like, take breaks. Like, I used to have to, like, be doing whatever I was doing and then, like, go and get myself off and then get back to whatever I was doing. Like, it was like, this is frustrating. This is, like, interrupting my day. But, yeah, what happened was my. My dad and I were driving, and he drives a Jeep, and we went over a hill, and so he. The shaking of the car, and I was just fully, like, trying to hold it together in the passenger seat next to him, and I was like, okay, we need to, like, do something about this, because I think I can't prove any of this.
I have hip dysplasia. So my hips rotated out of their sockets.
Yeah. So because of, you know, like. Okay, you can't see what I'm doing if I'm Listen. If you're listening, but because my hips rotate out this way and don't rotate in. They don't rub against me when I walk.
So everything is just untouched down there.
[00:34:03] Speaker A: Forgive the face.
It wasn't.
Ew. Grossly. If it was. Ew. Hips. Hips up. Ugly. Oh, no.
[00:34:10] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. It's. What? It's wild. Yeah. So I think that there's just not a lot of, like.
There's not a lot of, like, it's very sensitive down there because there's not really a lot of things, like, touching it on a regular basis. Even, like, other parts of My body. So I used to be just ridiculous. Like, I. I have so much sympathy and respect for people with penises because I was just like, oh, this is what it's like for y'. All. Just, like, see a girl in a tight sweater, and it's like, okay, the day's just shot. Like, you're. You're in a.
[00:34:42] Speaker A: You're really. The days. The day is shot. You saw your day.
[00:34:45] Speaker C: The day is shot, and you've shot your day. It's like, you're. You're, you know, you're sitting in, like, math class or whatever, and you're 14.
[00:34:51] Speaker A: And all of a sudden, I was sitting in it. I was doing a lecture once, I swear to God. Lecture on sex and disability. I have my slides, doing my thing, and my body decided, this is the moment you're going to come. I. Like, I'm not. And I was. You know, I did it quietly, and I did it just so that nobody knew what was happening. I knew what was happening. And it's so awkward because you're like, I. My. My body just did that. I didn't. I wasn't trying to, like, what, Do.
[00:35:19] Speaker C: The worst thing I ever did in front of my students was take off my shoes. I was having feet swelling during a lecture, and I just fully was like, I'm going to do something that you've never seen a college professor do before, because I can't talk for the rest of this. We're not going to address this. So I just took off my sneakers and just did the rest of the lecture barefoot. That's way worse.
[00:35:37] Speaker A: Like, I wish we talked about medically induced, like, orgasming way more than we do, because it happens to a lot of us. And I think for a lot of us with cp, our whole. Our whole fucking bodies are contracting all the time. So of course we would. That would happen, too, because guess what? It's just a muscle, and it's just contracting, and that's literally all it's doing.
[00:35:58] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm. I'm glad. I'm so grateful, Andrew, that you have also had the train experience, because I definitely. I. I had to stop taking the subway. I was like, this is really not.
I don't enjoy this.
[00:36:09] Speaker A: And then, like, sometimes when I'm hiring a worker, I have somebody over, like, they'll touch my shoulder and I'll come.
[00:36:14] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:36:15] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. Oh, totally. Like, hell yeah. It's never happened to me coming, but it's very. Like, somebody will touch my shoulder and my, like, leg will donkey kick out, you know, like, You'll. Your reflex, you know? Like, one time I almost kicked my trigger point therapist in the face because she touched something else. And I was like, I'm so sorry. Like, I can't. I. Yeah. So it gets weird out here for us.
[00:36:40] Speaker A: Like, there's no discussion of, like, seep. And I've looked into it. I've looked into, like, premature ejaculation and CP, and a lot of us, especially penis havers, like, 35 to 40% of us have those issues because of just CP. And no one's fucking talking about it.
[00:36:57] Speaker C: Yeah, no one's saying anything. Yeah. Because, like, what, what are you going to say? Like, how are.
[00:37:02] Speaker A: You know?
[00:37:02] Speaker C: It's like, you don't. Do you want to, like, disclose it beforehand when you're with a partner and be like, this is the thing that might happen? I don't know.
[00:37:08] Speaker A: But I do it all the time. I say to my partner, I was like, hey, before you come over, I might come fast, and I'd like us to, you know, go again or like that. I don't want that to end the session. And I like to, you know.
[00:37:17] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:37:18] Speaker A: So that my anxiety of, like. Because, you know, unfortunately, if you come fast, no matter what gender you are, there's this misconception that, oh, well, of course you came fast. Like, of course, because you're disabled. You would. Ben is early because no one touches you. So, like, I get really in my head about it, and I have. I, like, I want to prime my partner to be like, don't stop making out with me once I come. Like, don't finish the session because I'd like to try again. It can be so embarrassing because, you know, especially for me as a queer man who sleeps with men, there's this huge thing about stamina and virility, and you're only a dude if you're coming at exactly the right moment as the other person. No, that's not realistic for anybody.
[00:38:05] Speaker C: It's also. What was I gonna say? I have. Oh, I. It's one of my least favorite things, too, that I'm unlearning as I'm like, like, like experiencing queer sex. There's this thing that, like, when you come, it's over.
[00:38:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:19] Speaker C: It's like, what? No, no. I remember when I was in college, I took a, I took a history of sexuality course in college, and my teacher, I think at that time, I think she might have been a lesbian. But I was, you know, I, I, I don't know for sure. And she said something about, what if we divorced sex from the orgasm. What if the. What if the orgasm was not the point of having sex? And you know what? At 19, I was like, what is she even talking? Like, what does that even mean?
What are you talking about? Like, if you're not coming, then why are you having it? And now I'm 36 and I'm like, oh, no, for sure. I definitely get what she's saying.
[00:38:58] Speaker A: I want more emotional boners than I do real ones. Frankly, not giving me a heart on, heart on. Not hard on, hard on.
[00:39:06] Speaker C: Oh, I have T shirts.
[00:39:08] Speaker A: Yeah, could be.
[00:39:10] Speaker C: Can we have T shirts made?
[00:39:11] Speaker A: I love a T shirt that says.
[00:39:15] Speaker C: Like, okay, the queers are running wild again.
[00:39:18] Speaker B: Sure, sure.
[00:39:21] Speaker A: It's what we do.
[00:39:23] Speaker B: Coming next year. And then we'll all jo. Have merchandise.
[00:39:35] Speaker A: I don't know where to go from there.
[00:39:36] Speaker C: Yeah. I don't know how to.
[00:39:37] Speaker B: But I mean, that was a beautiful point you made, Andrew. And I'm sorry I've made a joke out of it because it's fine.
Really.
It's really valid it, like what you'd said to live it or what your prevention said. Why don't we divorce sex from the orgasm?
Because sex is so much more than judge.
[00:40:17] Speaker A: Like, I don't know if I mentioned this. I don't know if I mentioned this on the last episode because I can't remember because we. The. Yes. Recorded like, two weeks ago. And I don't remember what I said yesterday, but I.
But I'm like, for the most part, when I see a worker, like, most of our session is, let's be naked and talk. Let's watch a movie. Let's cuddle and hold hands. Let's just lie there together. I don't need you to, like, come all over my face and say all this.
Yes, that'd be nice. But I also don't need it. Like, it's not. It's not. Like, for me, as I get older, I want intimacy more than I want sex.
[00:40:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:40:52] Speaker C: And I know I said this. I. I know I said this in an earlier episode. I just don't know when. Andrew, your vulnerability to me is, like, staggering. I. I can't like the idea of, like, okay, let's just lay here naked and. And talk. My internalized ableism is like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Make me come and then get the hell out of here. Like, I'm not.
[00:41:13] Speaker A: I mean, I have days where that's what I want doing that.
But, like, as I get older, like, I want to get to know you. I want to know what's going on in your life. And if we're going to fuck, I want it to be, I want it to be like an emotional experience for you too. Which makes, which for me makes sex work and hiring sex workers sometimes really hard because their whole job is to divorce. Not.
They don't divorce themselves from the emotion.
[00:41:39] Speaker C: Because you gotta like have a boundary in place in a very vulnerable, vulnerable state all the time.
[00:41:47] Speaker A: So I struggle sometimes with like hiring because like I can't, I can't fall for you because you're doing your job. So how do I do?
[00:41:56] Speaker C: Yeah, I think a lot of this, the difference between us is I live with my entire family.
So like, oh yeah, right, I forgot about that. Like, I like my deal. And I've said this to people and this is part of the reason why I really said stopped dating was like, I have friends. I don't need another friend. I've got a lot of friends. Like sex is kind of like impossible in this living situation. And I'm just kind of like, this is not cute. Like every date is like doubles as like, you've got to meet my parents because I, I live here. Like, you know, it was, it was just so, it was just so super like stressful. And I was just like, you know what? I don't care.
And now, you know, with, now that I'm with my partner even, I mean, I'm struggling because like there isn't like a good moment or time for me to like get sexy. I can do like cute and romantic.
But there is something. And this really changed from my 20s to my 30s. I used to be really, really stone faced and be able to like read dirty fanfic in front of my entire family.
[00:43:06] Speaker A: I remember when I met you, you were so serious. Like now that now I know you're a little bit better and like you can like crack a drug when you can laugh. But like when I first met you and we did. I don't know if you did my podcast, I can't remember, but I remember meeting you and it might have been your nerves. Might have been my nerves, but you were so serious.
[00:43:21] Speaker C: I was actually also really nervous because I was like really, really impressed with you. But yes, I'm very, I am really bad at having fun. I'm not a very fun.
[00:43:31] Speaker A: I'm really bad at being serious and I know how to have lots of fun.
[00:43:34] Speaker C: I'm bad at having fun. I really, I'm not like, you know, it also has to do with like infantilization and ableism. Right. I have to, like, establish myself as an adult.
[00:43:47] Speaker A: The thing is, you're like, if I become a professional and I comport myself, quote, unquote, properly, then no one else will hurt me because I've already. I've done it. I totally get that.
[00:43:59] Speaker C: Yeah. So I'm really. I'm very, very. It's very difficult for me to, like, not be serious. And, like, that can be like, you know, I work in poetry. You know, you're constantly in a very.
[00:44:10] Speaker A: Wait. The unseriousness of what you just said. You're like. It's really hard for me to be serious. I work. It's really hard for me not to be serious. I work in poetry.
[00:44:18] Speaker C: You're always reading about, like, the funniest.
[00:44:20] Speaker A: Thing I've ever in my life.
[00:44:21] Speaker C: I work in poetry. You're always reading about, like, somebody's trauma that you kind of, like, barely know. Like, you. You met this person at a gig and now you're reading about, like, I don't know, their. Their difficulties with their mom or whatever.
[00:44:37] Speaker A: Because they read you the trauma. And then we snap at them.
[00:44:40] Speaker C: Yeah, it's weird. And then, like, you're all kind of expected to, like, be friends, but also not, like, also be work acquaintances and also be kind of, like, working for the same.
[00:44:49] Speaker A: I would love to see poetry enemies do poets about each other together.
[00:44:53] Speaker C: Oh, Andrew.
[00:44:55] Speaker A: Is that a thing?
[00:44:56] Speaker C: People do such a thing? It's not so much of a thing now because I'm not in slam anymore, but when I was in slam, oh, there was just beef everywhere. And you just didn't know who's fighting and why are they fighting. And nobody really knows the details because no one's telling anybody anything because all.
[00:45:15] Speaker A: They want to do is welcome to entirety of queerness. That's what you've described, is just being queer. It's just being queer on a Tuesday. Hi, how are you?
[00:45:27] Speaker B: So we're getting near the end of this episode, but where I want to pick up on the next episode, sorry, guys, very soon is how odd. Sexual needs and desires.
Ads. Disabled people change.
Ads. We get older. Because that is very important.
[00:46:04] Speaker A: Okay, just make sure you put it in the group tab, because I will forget this when we.
[00:46:08] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. And so any final words?
[00:46:14] Speaker A: Don't come on the train.
[00:46:16] Speaker C: Don't come on the train. Yeah, don't come on the train. One of the first poems I actually ever read, ever heard performed out loud, was a poet talking about her. Her pussy pulsing on the F train. I actually thought it was just like a poem Thing. And I was like, no, it's actually a thing that happens. Like, the movement of the train makes you just, like, crazy.
[00:46:35] Speaker A: You know what I don't like, though? You know what I realized? And we were talking very quickly. We were talking about, like, how we should divorce the orgasm from sex. I realize sometimes when I'm on the train and I come like that, I know that it's a biological response. Because I'm not hard. I'm not aroused. I'm not. My. My body just.
[00:46:52] Speaker C: You're not even, like, thinking about something, like, nice.
[00:46:54] Speaker A: No, I'm thinking, oh, I gotta get off the train soon.
[00:46:57] Speaker C: It's like, you're on the train. It's like, the worst place. It's so awful. Yeah.
[00:47:02] Speaker A: I wish that we could. I wish that in disabled spaces we could talk about how our bodies betray us like that. In my book, I think I wrote about that at some point and was like, it really sucks to be watching Grey's Anatomy and then just come.
[00:47:17] Speaker C: Yeah, it's like you're just trying to have a nice, like, afternoon or when I. When I was in my 20s and it was really bad. Like, I couldn't go to bed until I came and it's like, I'm tired. Like, this is. This is not.
[00:47:33] Speaker A: Like you need to share this. Like, I can't go to bed until I come. And just. That's it. That's the quote. And nobody knows what it is. You just wear that around it.
[00:47:41] Speaker B: Although I. I will go back and say I really like the hard on.
[00:47:48] Speaker C: Hard on. I want.
[00:47:49] Speaker B: I want a T shirt that needs to be merchandise.
[00:47:54] Speaker A: I'm here with that.
[00:47:56] Speaker B: So I would like to thank my fellow co host, Liv Leone and Andrew Gza. We'll see you guys soon.
[00:48:16] Speaker D: You have been listening to Disability Empowerment Now. I would like to thank my guests, you, the listener and the Disability Empowerment now team that made this episode possible.
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